From time to time, I’m going to record the common problems I have, and what my body is going through.  I’m doing this for a couple of reasons; first and foremost, it’s easy to forget what you went through in the past, after you lose a substantial amount of weight.  You get to feeling good, and the little things that bothered you slip away from memory.  I want to record the problems I have that are weight-loss related, so that as I lose weight, I remember.  When I’m mentally slipping, I want the chance to look back in time and think “oh, yeah, I remember that.  That was horrible.”

There are so many benefits to losing weight, but so often, we dwell on just the weight, and not all the great benefits that come along with it.  Even if you end up in a plateau, all of those benefits are worth fighting for and not giving up.

Many of the problems I initially had before my major weight loss in recent years have crept back in, and some are new or compounded problems.  Please note: this isn’t whining.  This is documentation.  I know all of these things will improve.  I also hope that if you’re reading this because someone you love is obese, you might have a glimpse into a part of their world that perhaps they haven’t shared with you out of embarrassment.

It’s summer and hot out; I have skin patches that are likely yeast related.  I’m currently taking probiotics, because they do help, but losing weight so those areas aren’t constantly moist will help.  The worst spots are the folds behind my knees; the skin there is red and definitely painful to the touch.  I am usually seated, so the backs of my knees are kept in skin folds from fat.  In the past, when I was heavier than I am now, I also had these patches underneath my breasts, but those have not returned.

I have severe arthritis in both knees.  The arthritis hurts more when I am retaining water.  One knee is bone-on-bone and is often sore, but I have already noticed some relief, thanks in part to losing weight.  Although the arthritis will never go away, it will feel better as I continue to lose weight.

I cannot cross my legs when I sit.  My thighs are too big.

I find it disconcerting to have to find a chair in a public place that will either fit my girth or support me.  It’s embarrassing to have to even consider it when out and about.  Last year, I was out to eat with my husband in a diner that had old chairs and formica tables; I sat down in a chair and the whole thing folded under me. 🙁 I was so incredibly embarrassed.  I also find it difficult to sit in bar stools, and I have to swallow my pride and tell wait staff to not seat me in a bar stool.

Whether it’s true or not, I often feel as if I’m the biggest person in the room, and that silent judgments are being made about me.  I know how it is.  Heck, I’ve been on the other end, pitying some poor man or woman who was grossly overweight, and thinking that they should just do something about it.  How sad is that?  Maybe they are doing something about it.  Maybe I’m seeing them 100 or more pounds less than what they were before.  Just because someone is extremely obese does not mean they’re doing nothing, but I know how many people jump to that conclusion.

Although I have started my weight-loss efforts, they aren’t noticeable, yet, and I’ve only told one person outside of immediate family that I am losing weight, again.  I only said something to her because we were talking about healthy weight loss methods as opposed to unhealthy ones; several of our friends have currently been trying fad methods, and a couple of them have decided that they were, in fact, a fad.

I am hesitant to talk about weight loss for several reasons; first, I have had several failures lately, and I fear failure, again.  While a failed diet may not be a big deal for someone who has 20-30 pounds to lose (“Yeah, it didn’t work, I’ll try again later in the summer”), it’s nearly a moral indictment if you’re obese and fail.  I’m not sure why that is.  People, the reason many people are obese is because it’s harder to lose weight and keep it off, not because we’re lazy.  Some are; I won’t deny that.  Some are gluttons; again, I’m not going to deny that, either.  But generally speaking, if it were as easy for me to lose weight and keep it off as it is for an average person, I’d be thin.  For whatever reason, it’s much more of a challenge.  Is it unfair?  Sure, but if it can’t be changed, then you deal with what you’re given.

I hesitate to talk about weight loss, too, because I feel awkward when well-meaning people who have much less of a weight problem than I do want to give me advice or recommend a diet.  I want to succeed at the method I’ve chosen, so when it becomes noticeable to them, I don’t have to listen to “have you tried HCG/acacia/Alli/whatever?”  My weight loss will probably not become noticeable to the point of mentioning it until I’ve lost around 50-60 pounds.  People might think I look different before then, but they will hesitate to mention it.  As a side note, please don’t hesitate to mention it.  I like having hard work acknowledged.

Back to my body… movement is difficult.  I feel very prone to falling; not just because of the weight I’m carrying, which sometimes makes me feel off-balance, but because of arthritis.  I can’t move quickly and decisively; I have to think about movement.

Getting up from a seated position can be awkward and painful.  I snore when I sleep.  Shoes that I wore when I was thinner  no longer fit, because my weight is flattening my arches and increasing the length of my feet.

I have occasional back pain and hip pain, as well as ankles that crackle and knees that pop.  These things will improve with weight loss and with muscle strengthening.

And that’s how I feel right now.