One of the reasons that I created this blog was to talk myself through the rough times, because I knew they would come.  Now is one of those times; when I could easily just turn my back on this journey out of frustration.  It’s the mental aspect of working toward health and losing weight that makes it so tough.

I’m sure I’m not alone.  This is the mental gymnastics that make no sense about losing weight.  I’ve been on plan for 6 weeks, now; I already spoke about having a little bit of a mental problem with that 20 pound mark, and I think I have probably sabotaged my way out of seeing that mark this week.  We went to Memphis with friends this last weekend, and I ate a higher amount of carbs than I usually allow myself on the weekend.  But that’s not the sabotage, believe it or not; I believe that if I have the occasional off-plan meal, I’m a lot more likely to be able to deal with staying on plan generally.  I have yet to have a craving or yearning for something that just sent me straight off course.

No, that’s not the problem.  The problem is photos.  I do well on my eating plan.  I feel results in how my clothes fit, and I’m starting to be able to fit into smaller sizes.  I commit myself to looking good and feeling good.  And then I see myself in a group picture, where I’m the largest one in the pic, and by my estimates, look gargantuan — and I flog myself and want to just stop making an effort.

Why is that?  Why is it that when we see a realistic image of ourselves, it makes us want to throw in the towel instead of working harder to change that reality?  Just giving up makes absolutely no sense at all, because there will be other photos; what, then?  Just commit yourself to feeling like shit about yourself every time you see a photo?

That’s dumb.  But that’s where I am.  Last week, I committed myself to making some changes this week; I was getting tired of sausage/egg/cheese breakfasts, so told myself I’d make some flaxseed muffins that I could eat during the week.  I also decided that this would be the week to start exercise, but I haven’t done it, yet.  I am hurting no one but myself by allowing this sort of behavior to creep in.  Now that I’ve recognized it for what it is, I need to do something about it.

My solution:

• Take progress photos of myself.  I haven’t wanted to do this; I have no starting photo.  I have been avoiding the camera.  Time to face it and change it, so the next time someone snaps a photo of me, I can go back to the photos I’ve taken and see my progress for myself.
• Make flaxseed muffins. Today.
• Get down to the gym and start my program.  Today.

The best thing I can do after recognizing my mental slide is to take action to stop it. Otherwise, this just becomes another failed effort at achieving my dreams, and the only thing I will have earned out of it is feeling bad about myself. Why willingly choose that, if I can succeed?