Yeesh! I’m doing a poor job of keeping this blog up to date, and I need to do better with it.

Last Friday, I tried on goal pants and shirt. It had been two weeks since I tried either of them on; the previous week, I felt like I was bloated after being sick all week, so I opted not to try them on.  Also, because of a nice round of sinusitis, I was out of the pool for the majority of two weeks.

So, I didn’t expect great things when I tried on the pants and shirt. Surprise! The pants buttoned and zipped pretty easily.  They’re still a bit tight in the upper thighs; they lack about an inch or so from fitting well in the crotch.  Regardless, there was a noticeable difference in fit.  The same with the shirt; it’s a long sleeve button-down shirt, and there was no button gap at the bra area.  The problem is mostly in upper arms, where it’s still noticeably snug. If it weren’t for that, this shirt would be *just about* wearable.

I’d love to be able to wear at least the jeans on my trip to Vegas, which is in a little more than two months.  They are size 22.  I’ve been wearing another pair of size 22 jeans the last few days; they fit nicely, but must be at the upper size range of fit for size 22.  Regardless, I started dieting when I was in the upper size range of 26, and they were a tight fit.  In fact, it would be pretty awesome if I could get on the plane to Vegas and not have to ask for a seat belt extender. That’s always embarrassing.

On to a related subject: are people noticing my weight loss?  Well, no, not really.  My last weigh-in, which was in November, was 44 pounds down.  I’m probably at least 60 pounds down, now.  Other than a mention at the gym by someone who knows I’m trying to lose, as well as the occasional mention by someone else who also knows I’m trying to lose, no one has said a word.  Not even my husband.

Months ago, I did have some head games going on about when people would notice, because I felt like I could get away with sabotaging myself up to that point.  I’m pretty focused on my efforts at the moment, so at least for now, sabotage (for that reason!) isn’t really a factor.  I’m not going to kid: it would be nice for someone to occasionally notice the effort I’m making.

However, I think one of the major head games I played with myself when I lost 140 pounds years ago was that I lost it fast enough for people to notice, and then for people to barely recognize me.  Because of that, my weight loss was often the topic of conversation.  I became defined by my weight loss as much as I’d previously been defined by my weight.  Friends, when you are seriously the largest person in the room, no one may say anything, but you know it, they know it, and it defines you.  When you lose a big chunk of that, it defines you even more.

I really don’t want to be defined by my weight, although I know that currently, I am.  I really don’t want to be defined by loss, either, so losing it as slowly as I am, without notice, is okay by me.