Record Breaker

See that? 56 pounds down!  Let’s see… that looks a lot like this 56 pound record-breaking catfish.  That’s a bunch of Lisa, gone missing, and the rest of Lisa is in no hurry to track it down, either. In fact, more can get lost — and will.

Now, mind you, I broke a rule of mine by weighing today. My goal jeans and shirt are not yet a fit; in fact, the fit of the jeans hasn’t changed much over the last month or so. Slightly, but certainly not enough to consider them wearable.

Still, it’s been over three months since I last weighed, and thanks to a few friends who pointed out that it might give me a mental boost to see how much more I’ve lost, I decided to do it. (I will weigh again when the jeans are a fit.)  They were right; although I played some mental games with myself, it does feel good to know what I’ve accomplished. 56 pounds. That’s what I’ve accomplished.

Compared to my last effort, I’m doing great. I’ve busted through the low I had, then, of 284; now I’m at 278, and I started this time at a higher weight. I lost a total of 28 pounds before I gave it up last time (after 15 weeks); I’ve doubled that loss this time around.

Although it’s slow loss, I’m proving to myself that I can do this.  I’m so much better off right now than I was a year ago.  I can move better, and I feel a lot better, both physically and mentally. Although I’m still far above what my body is in dreams, and I still look in the mirror and don’t like what I see, I have made bunches of progress.

Those around me have been slow to notice, but with slow weight loss, people just don’t. They get used to seeing you at one weight, and unless you drop an alarming amount quickly, I think most people are hesitant to ask if you’ve been losing weight at the risk of offending. While a few months ago it would have helped my ego for people to notice, I think that I’m strong enough now to not need that.  (Which means that now that I don’t need to hear it, I will!)

In a little less than a month, I will have a year of successful weight loss behind me. A year.  I know I’m in a good period at the moment, and I’m looking forward to it lasting. At least for me, when I start a weight loss effort, that first day/week/month is tough.  During those days, I think a lot about how long the road is in front of me and how tough it’s going to be.  The negatives loom large, because in the beginning, that’s all I can see; even though the thought of gaining health and losing weight is exciting and positive, it’s very difficult to look at how far away I’ve deviated and not constantly beat myself up for allowing my life to go backwards.

But with nearly a year behind me and progress to show for my efforts, I’m a lot more hopeful.  I have a clothing drawer full of clothes that are intentionally too small, so I can look at them and get excited about being in that new size soon. I’ve lost enough weight for me to really feel the changes, and with so much time invested, I am in no mind to give up. I’m further down the road, and pleased with where I am. I know that it’ll be a couple more years before I’m at the point where I’d like to live the rest of my life, but I’m a lot closer to that now than I was nearly a year ago.