25 pounds of flour

I had a slight loss this week, bringing my total loss to 24.8 pounds. MFP wants to round to 25, so I’m taking it, but not claiming the full 25 in my blog until it actually happens. Still, it feels good to be this close, and as I’ve written before, every single ounce down is progress, and I’ll fight for it.

I also measured myself this past week. I saw good changes in some places, apparent gains in others — but at this point, I’m inclined to disregard the gains; not because I’m sticking my head in the sand, but because other evidence points the opposite direction. My clothes are fitting better, and that doesn’t generally happen with a gain. Measurements will be more of a reinforcement when I’ve lost more weight; the differences will be larger, and I won’t be quite as smooshy as I am right now. Hey, I’m fat. It’s difficult to get reliable measurements, when fat is so pliable, and when I’m not sure I’m measuring in the same spot. This is just the reality of the situation; if this is your lot, as well, don’t let it frustrate you; just keep pushing ahead.

After all, the idea of using several methods of measurement is so there’s never the reliance on just one. When you just use one indicator, and the inevitable frustrating days come, the likelihood of giving up is greater. Using more measurement tools means more opportunities to show success when one (or even more than one) method doesn’t seem to be showing what you hoped for. Also, if all indicators do show the same thing, and it’s a gain, it’s time to change something.

Just last night, my friend Lori posted an article on another blog that hit home with me. Although I’m currently in a good place mentally, there are times when a .4 pound loss for a week just might get me pretty frustrated. I’ve gone through the litany countless times, before: I get frustrated, I throw up my hands and think that if I’m gonna be fat, I might as well enjoy it — and then the weight gain starts. Because I gain weight very easily, that attitude right there is a killer.

The blog, 4 Ways to Embrace Slow Change When You’re Feeling Impatient, speaks to this. In it, the blogger writes:

 2. Trick yourself back to the present moment.

When my “internal committee” is throwing a small fit about how long something seems to be taking, I call its bluff.

So you think it’ll take me ten years to get to the place where I can have the kind of relationship I’m wanting?

Well in five years, would I rather be five years closer to that desire or not? In eleven years? In two months?

Usually even my most stuck-in-the-mud resistance answers “yes” to all those questions. So then I bring us back to the present.

Since I know I want to move forward on this no matter how long it takes, what’s one action I can do now to embrace the change I’m making, slow as it may be?

This is absolutely spot on. Every time I embark on another weight loss journey, it takes me longer to get the weight off. I get frustrated. I stall. I hit plateaus. I also don’t do everything possible to change those situations, because I just give up; I don’t complete the task, and I don’t do one simple thing, which I should be very good at: I don’t remember that when I’m heavier, I’d give anything at all to go back and tell myself to suck it up and keep fighting. If it takes me ten years to lose fifty pounds, I’ll still be fifty pounds lighter; and that’s an appealing idea, no matter how long it takes to make that a reality.

Although I expected a slow loss this week on the heels of a 3.8 pound loss last week, there will be times that even .4 pounds will seem like a monumental loss. While things are good for me right now, I need to constantly stay on top of my mental attitude, and not relax; I need to keep pushing for changes in my methods and lifestyle, so I am prepared to be the person who will be another 25 pounds lighter — or 200 pounds lighter — whenever that day comes.

If I can point to one mistake I made after losing 140 pounds years ago, it was that I wasn’t mentally prepared to be a thinner, fit person. My body was in good shape, but my brain was still that fat girl, and I kept scrambling back into that comfortable corner. This time, I have to work consciously on changing my fat brain as I work on my body.

On a final note, I am .2 pounds away from being halfway to my first weight goal. While I’m not celebrating quite yet, I’m happy to be this close.

The blog mentioned above is worth a read for the entire article, and while you’re at it, please also visit my friend Lori’s blog: Hey Lori!! What Are You Waiting For? — She’s much further along in her weight loss journey than I am, has done a ton of great fitness work, and has overcome some tough physical challenges.