With last week’s achievement of 40 pounds down, as well as a doctor’s visit yesterday, this seems like a good time to write up a progress report. (No new number on the scale this week, but I’m close!)

There are the measurable things, of course; weight, which we know. Measurements have gone down, with the somewhat surprising loss of an inch in my neck measurement, but I’ve always maintained that weight loss is most obvious in my face, first. There are things like a slight improvement in my blood pressure readings, and I’ll know how much my labs have changed early next week. These are solid, quantifiable things which I can point to, when I’m not so steady, and say “see? Progress!”

There are other measurable things, as well, although they’re not quite as quantifiable as the first more scientific methods. My clothes are fitting better, which I’ve mentioned before, but I’m finally reaching the point where I’m starting to step back down the ladder, size-wise. I’m able to wear several pairs of pants and jeans that I couldn’t wear 40 pounds ago. I have two rigid titanium-frame leg braces; one was measured at a larger size, and that one now fits. This is really good news, because the leg brace stabilizes my more troublesome knee, and will allow me to move more. More movement? More progress!

Then, there are the things that are difficult to gauge, except when you feel them, you just know things have improved. These are the ones I tend to doubt when I’m feeling discouraged, as if I just imagined them, but they’re pretty important, too.

I just feel better. Because it’s easier for me to move, I’m moving more; I’m getting out and doing things. Twice, this week, I’ve been out and walking enough to cause soreness in my leg muscles. It’s a good sore; the kind you feel when you start exercising, again. I can spend longer periods of time up and on my feet, whether it’s standing or walking; I went garden plant shopping with my mother, and while I was pretty achy by the time I got back to the car, I never stopped to sit and rest. While this might seem small to others, it’s progress for me.

The biggest improvement, though, is that I feel like I’m gaining momentum; I am more confident that as long as I keep a good attitude and am willing to adapt and do what’s necessary, I’ll eventually reach my goal. While I still tend to beat myself up over having allowed myself to regain wait I previously lost (how many times over?!), knowing that I’m successful now and that I’m making progress now has lessened that sense of self-loathing I feel when I’m not making an effort. That stupid, helpless feeling that I get when I know I’m giving up on myself, I know it’s a stupid thing to do, and yet, I do it anyway.

40 pounds of me are gone, but the best part of me is still here.