Archive | November 2014

Y1WK13: 58.4

58 pound catfish. Mmmm, catfish!

Like everyone else, I’ve got lots going on with the Thanksgiving holiday — so I’ll cut through the normal dance I do and proudly proclaim that I’m now 58.4 pounds down!

Mind you, that was last Saturday; I only look at my lows for the week, but it does feel good to be able to brag on the day after Thanksgiving that I’m still in weight loss mode. I can’t make the same promises for next week, I’m afraid — like everyone else, I’ll be dealing with the dietary vacation I took yesterday, as well as today.

While I’m being careful not to go overboard with my choices, I also know I’ll need to be careful with my eating if I ever want to get that number to 60 pounds down, which is my next mini goal. So close! And so worth working for.

Have a great holiday weekend, my friends! And thanks for being there to support me.

Y1WK12: Giving Thanks

57 Pound Boxer – Not A Toad!

Finally! I’m happy to report that I’ve broken through my plateau. This morning, I am now down 57 pounds. I’m absolutely thrilled to have broken through the plateau I’ve been dealing with; the last time I recorded a new low weight was on August 30. I proved to myself that not only can I work through the temptations to trash my diet, but I can also get back in losing mode. I never totally left my diet — but my head was most definitely working against me.

I’ve done a few things over the last couple of weeks that have helped me regain my focus. One of the big ones was to keep a promise I made to myself when I started this weight loss journey; I had previously taken two progress videos, but kept telling myself I’d do it, again, at 50 pounds down, and I hadn’t done it. Over the course of the months between the first time I passed the 50 pound mark and now, I’ve crossed that line several times — watching my weight go up and down, again. And still, each time I’d pass 50 (again), I didn’t make that video.

Last Friday, I finally made it. It’s the third one I’ve done; the first was when I first started, the second was at 17 pounds down. Each time, I spoke to my future self; the self I knew would inevitably start getting shaky, tempted, and frustrated. I should have taken the time to watch those videos; I might have found my strength, again, earlier. That’s why they’re there, after all.

This time, I got something I didn’t expect at all. I watched all three videos — in order — and I’ll tell you, honestly, that I openly cried through all three.

I have a tendency to be very critical of myself, which is one of the many reasons I avoid cameras, or act like a goof when the camera is on me. I immediately look at how prominent my extra chin is, if my eyes are equally open, if my hair is sticking straight up. There are plenty of times that I’ve told myself that it’s time for a new profile photo for Facebook, and skipped it, because I didn’t like the results. I know I’m not the only person who does this; I nitpick until I just decide I’m not going to use a photo.

The videos are only for me, but I know they are going to be emotional treks, so I tend to shy away from feeling those emotions. Avoidance is also pretty common for those of us that want to put distance between the deep emotions tied to making a big journey like this, and our every day lives, but it’s also necessary. So, deciding in advance that I felt pretty good that day, I opted to take a deep breath and do it. I even made it through most of the video without crying.

What made me cry, afterward, wasn’t what I said in the videos… it was the physical differences I saw, looking at myself, with the biggest surprise being the most recent video. No, my weight loss is not that evident; but the changes in my mental outlook, in how I take care of myself and present myself to the world, have changed greatly. These have been gradual changes over the course of more than a year, and while I might be wearing the same clothes, my outlook on life has improved greatly.

Despite the challenges that I’ve faced in losing this weight, and the fact that I have so far yet to go, I am truly thankful that I’m on this journey. Perhaps it’s appropriate that this comes at Thanksgiving; I am grateful for having made the effort and put the work in. I am happy that I can see such prominent changes; perhaps not so much in my weight, because I’m really still on the brink of being noticeably thinner, but the inner changes, the mental changes, the important and crucial changes that will improve my chances at eventually reaching my goals, are happening.

Thank God.

Y1Wk11: Baby Got Back

In a desperate (and hopefully comedic) maneuver to remain relevant… yes… Baby Got Back — on track. 😉

I’m back within striking distance (3.4 pounds) of a new low, and I got there by getting myself fully back on track, and taking control of not only what I put in my body, but what thoughts I allow to take up residence in my brain. I’m feeling stronger as time goes by, and watching the pounds going away (again) and being so much closer to declaring a new low — well, that’s pretty good incentive. We’re also making plans for next summer’s vacation, and while I know I’ll have to deal with limitations for some time yet, my goal is to be more mobile, and yes, weigh less. I like having goals to work for.

I had initially set the goal to break through my plateau by year’s end; while that’s the long end of the range, what I truly hope for is to break it by Thanksgiving.

While I understand and embrace the idea of working through such challenges one day at a time, I also think that having too myopic of a viewpoint can work against me. Getting too caught up in the daily ups and downs of weight loss left me with a feeling of hopelessness, because I hadn’t seen progress in too long of a time; it’s times like that when good intentions and negative inner voices war with each other, and it’s easy to listen to the voice that says “you’re going to be doing this FOREVER, how about a little break once in a while?”

If you don’t have your mind in the right place, the occasional cheat is a slippery slope to a much larger cheat — and then a more intentional cheat. And before you know it, your system has stalled out. The further off-track we go, the more of a challenge it is to get back to where we need to be.

And I’m glad to be getting closer to where I need to be.

Y1WK10: Food for Thought

As I work toward regaining control of my weight, I’ve had time to think about some of the perceptions we have, out there, about food.

I will admit, when I was at the doctor’s office a couple weeks ago, I felt a bit betrayed when he suggested that I go on a medically assisted very low calorie diet. I pointed out that even at low calories, the amount of time it would take for me to arrive at a healthy enough weight for knee replacement surgery (one of my big goals) would make surviving a shake-and-bar regimen a grueling task. It’s his assessment that I’ll need to lose another 100 pounds before surgery; I can’t begin to imagine consuming nothing but shakes and protein bars for a year… or more. With my metabolic issues, likely more.

If I’m going to stick with a weight loss effort, it has to be one I can live with long term. I have to be able to change my lifestyle permanently, as well as learn how to adapt to my changing body as I lose. While such a restricted method may work, I’ve also learned from losing a great deal of weight quickly, in the past, that my brain needs to adapt to my body’s changes, or I’ll sabotage myself. I’m no stranger to small stretches of adapting my eating plan to break a stall or get certain results, but not in the extreme.

I suppose one of the reasons this has been in the back of my mind is because of the assumptions made about obesity. I’ve mentioned in this blog, before, that there’s quite a large group that appears to believe that obesity is a character flaw; a sign of gluttony, of overindulgence, of lack of control.

I think this is exactly why, despite overall health institutions defining obesity as a disease, that most of us who are obese face so many obstacles when it comes to any kind of support. My insurance won’t support any sort of obesity-related treatments, despite obesity being a leading factor in a number of serious diseases that insurance must treat, including heart disease and type II diabetes. To me, assisting in treating obesity should be considered primary care — but it so often is not.

Perhaps the problem is in separating those that are obese because of underlying medical issues from those who are obese because of environmental factors… like Cheetos and Oreos. It happens. And unfortunately, people are probably correct when they think that the majority of obese people got that way because of plate-to-mouth overages. It doesn’t help when the media occasionally serves up morbid stories of people so incredibly obese that they’re unable to leave their beds, while enablers feed them a diet of multiple cheeseburgers for a snack.

Add to that, the growing concerns with the amount of absolute junk Americans consume on a daily basis; fast foods, processed foods, supersized meals… over recent decades, we’ve changed the way we eat, and the opportunities for overeating are greater than ever before. Our conveniences are our dietary undoing.

So when people, including the medical community, jump to the assumption that the majority of overweight people got that way because they didn’t limit their consumption of the wrong kinds of foods, they aren’t incorrect. Even those of us who have significant metabolic concerns complicate the matter by eating (and drinking) things we’re better off without.

Now, mind you, there are tests which will determine metabolic issues. As I was informed by my doctor, they are expensive — and the result is usually telling you what you already know: that you have an issue which makes weight loss difficult… and yet, the answer to resolving the issue is to lose weight.

So, knowing all this, I continue the uphill climb. The efforts I’ve made over recent weeks have brought my daily food intake under control, though I discovered it was not greatly out of control to begin with — I am a creature of habit, and my tendency is to eat the same foods in the same amounts, most days. I am still ten pounds above my low, but I am determined to keep working my way to the top, regardless of the speed I travel.