I’m 118.2 pounds down now!  I’m a mere 4 pounds away from my next goal, which will mark losing one third of my starting total body weight. I’m pretty amazed!

Moments of clarity arrive without notice. I’ve learned to savor them when I can — they are a rare treat.

I had such a moment just the other day. I was standing on my back patio. Dinner was on the grill behind me, and I had some time to kill while it cooked. I’d also recently planted some flowers and plants in pots, and had just walked out to check them.

It struck me, as I looked up at the treetops and breathed in the spring air, that I feel pretty good, these days. I feel small. And I feel — dare I say it? — normal. And strong.

118 pounds of Taylor Swift — completely shaken off. (Shaken. Not stirred.)

Now, let me explain a bit. I don’t mean small in size. I am a short woman; all of five-foot-two. Despite my weight loss, I’m still awfully big for a short woman. But these days, I don’t feel like I occupy the same space. I feel more in proportion, I suppose. Even when I drive, I’ve had to shift the rearview mirror, because I no longer sit as high in the seat; my butt doesn’t raise me up like a built-in booster seat. 😀

I feel more compact and strong, as if my body is working like it’s supposed to, instead of spreading me everywhere. Perhaps this is a phenomenon that happens with those of us who are morbidly obese, and not others, but when I’ve been at my largest, I have felt as if I were wearing five down coats at once and they all get in my way. Five water balloon-filled down coats. How’s that for a visual? Because moving with that much weight is an effort in itself, let alone how much it gets in the way.

I don’t feel like that anymore. I am crossing that indelible line into normal. While I still have many pounds to lose, it’s rare when I’m the largest one in the room, anymore. Any store that carries plus sizes also carries my size; I don’t have to shop at stores that offer extended plus sizes, anymore. In fact, I’m sinking steadily toward the lower end of the plus sizes. I’m still amazed when I pull something off the rack that I expect to be too small, and it fits.

As I’ve been selling off my extended plus size clothing, I’ve met women who are now where I used to be. In one case, the woman bought a pair of black slacks; she needed them for work. Immediately. Her pants had given away down one seam and she grabbed the pants to change in her vehicle. I felt horrible for her, and hoped that the pants would fit, because in my small town, that size just isn’t available. It would have been impossible for her to do anything other than take time off work and drive home to change, losing pay, rather than slipping into a local store and quickly buying a cheap pair of pants to see her through.

Another bought sundresses for her daughter, who is a teenager; I am a careful shopper and believe me, finding stylish clothes in those large sizes is a big challenge. Her daughter needed some options, and I’m glad I could help provide them. It must feel pretty tough to be a teenager and have to drive to a larger city just to buy clothing, but that’s how it is for those who wear over a 3X or size 26. Either drive or shop on the internet, which I have done.

My heart goes out to these women, because I absolutely understand their issues, and I’d much rather these clothes find homes of people who can truly use them, rather than donate and risk them being thrown away if they don’t sell.

It also reminds me to keep my perspective. I am happy with where I am and the progress I’ve made. I’ve wanted that sense of normalcy for quite some time, and having arrived at it, I realize how truly thankful and at peace I am. So while the rest of the world keeps speeding on around me, I’m still standing firm in my own little corner, and whatever gets thrown at me, well… I’ll continue to shake it off!