As I’m working my way back to my low weight, I’ve done a lot of thinking about my journey, and learning to appreciate the changes. I unearth new discoveries without even meaning to do it. (It’s awfully nice to be back in striking distance.)

Chipping away at finding my next self.

These gold nuggets are NSV or Non-Scale Victories. My most recent one was discovering that my first wedding ring now fits. I’ve been married for 33 years, and I had to stop wearing the ring I received on my wedding day within a year of receiving it — not because it was too small, but because I hurt my hand and my ring finger swelled to a point where we had to cut off the band. It was a panicked at-home job, and none too neat.

It lay around in an old jewelry box for a couple of decades, mangled, something I felt sentimental about even though we replaced our rings not long after the initial accident. Then, probably a decade or so ago, I took it to a local jeweler and they fixed the ring. At that time, I’d just finished losing 140 pounds, so the ring was smaller than the one I’ve worn over recent decades. Considering I’d stopped wearing the larger ring before the beginning of my current journey because it had grown too tight, it’s a pretty cool accomplishment to have gone through two rings.

But it’s more than that. I feel other changes that have nothing to do with size, and everything to do with the core of me. Constant change over the course of my life has left an indelible mark. I am not that girl I was 40 years ago, 30 years ago, even 20.

I would not go as far as to say there’s no trace of her; in fact, in many ways, I’ve found myself peeling back layers of me, returning to the things that brought me joy so many years ago, unearthing my foundation, returning to home. But I am not that girl; I don’t have the same fears, the same trepidation.

Along with the weight, I’ve shed parts of me that are no longer useful, that were toxic and contributed to the state I was in. I’ve been working to retain the better parts of myself as I do this, and while I freely admit that at times it binds my mental processes to a point where I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels. I get restless, anxious, frustrated. But I’ve also learned that these things are most often the precursors to great strides forward.

I’m a hybrid of my former self and the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and instead of dreading the changes before me, I’m excited. I know there are big changes ahead of me; not just physically, but mentally, as well. I can feel those creative juices bubbling to life, and I know with absolute certainty that in the weeks, months, and years to come, I’m going to do things I never thought possible.

That girl I was, she used to be mine. She’s not gone. She’s better than she ever was, and the metamorphosis is far from complete.