I spend a lot of time assessing my body in its current form. Even though my physical changes are slow, I still remember the hindrances I dealt with not so long ago. I’ve become sensitive to its changes over time and evolution from that much larger girl I used to be.

I’ve also evolved on how I treat myself. For a long time, I made myself the promise to treat myself right, including keeping my hair and makeup looking nice, wearing clothes that fit and flatter, making sure that I felt good about myself when I walked out the door, regardless of the reason for heading out. I did that mostly because I know that many folks still cling to the idea that obese women are lazy, don’t care about themselves, and choose to (selfishly!) remain fat. While I know (and probably you know) that nothing could be further from the truth, I still did my best to avoid being tagged in such a way.

Sometimes physical evolution is a shock.

While I’m far from being a normal weight, I’ve become more confident — and perhaps a trifle headstrong — about perceptions of me. These days, it’s more important for me to like the reflection in the mirror than to worry much about someone else’s perception. I’ve become more relaxed with the world around me. If someone judges me because I’m not wearing mascara, will the world truly end? If someone thinks I’m flippant because I’ve put a red streak in my hair, will the economy collapse?

Some might consider it selfish, but I’ve come to a point in my life where I know who my friends and loved ones are, and we chose each other for the value we bring to each others’ lives, not for hairstyles, fashion sense, or so help me, that number on the scale. I’m not losing weight to please anyone other than myself; if it does please others, I hope it’s for the right reasons.

It’s also a big sign that my brain has caught up with my weight loss and that I have a more accurate mental idea of who I am in this moment, both physically and visually. Although I’m just a month away from marking four years on my journey and many would consider that an unbearably long time to focus on improving health through weight loss, I spent the majority of my adult life well over 300 pounds. It’s no surprise that my brain has taken this long to finally catch up — and perhaps it’s been for the best that the process has been a slow one. It’s no race, after all.

Being comfortable in my own skin and satisfied with my own physical lot in life is one of the biggest gifts I have ever given myself. While I’m not crossing the finish line yet, and may not for some time, my life isn’t on hold until that undefined point in the future. Not when there’s life to be lived right now.