As the new year starts, it’s hard not to be just a little introspective. As I see my friends chat about wanting to make changes for the new year, the subject of losing weight often comes up.

For me, personally, I haven’t been happy with the weight I gained immediately around surgery; I have most of 25 pounds to lose to get back down to my low, so like many others, I’m back to cleaning up my act. I know some of the gain was inevitable, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

One of my first acts is to record my weight; I have nearly daily weights recorded clear back to September of 2013. So, out of curiosity, I looked to see what I weighed at the beginning of 2018 — and discovered I still weigh 25 pounds less than my 2018 starting weight, despite gaining weight near the end of the year. Getting back to my low weight achieved in the fall means I had a nice loss of 50 pounds or so, which isn’t shabby at all. In light of what I’ve lost and the length of time I’ve been working on my health, I know with absolute certainty that I’ll lose what I gained and will set a new number.

Looking at all those numbers, and remembering where I was at the beginning of 2018, I started feeling a lot more fortunate. I wasn’t able to qualify for knee replacement surgery, a year ago, because of my weight; since then, I’ve had both of them replaced, and was released from physical therapy just today.

I am well aware that I’m beating the odds by managing to continue my losses over the longterm, and I wanted to know what the experts say. Remember, I’ve lost great amounts of weight before, and regained every single pound. And guess what? Even 5+ years in, I quickly realized what folly it is to read anything online regarding weight loss.

You can read stats and odds and disappointing studies about weight loss recidivism all day, and then hide in a dark corner and suck your thumb, convinced that you’ll never achieve what you really want. And what good is that? It makes about as much sense as getting really ticked off over not losing weight, so you grab a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and dig in. Allowing space for these doubts just amplifies the chance you will fail.

If you’re reading this because you’re interested in weight loss, you’re likely in the wrong place. I may have lost 191 pounds, but I maintain now more than ever that the focus shouldn’t be on loss but on figuring out what got me in poor health to begin with. That has meant working on my physical self as much as my mental sludge. Making permanent changes that benefit my health has been the emphasis of my efforts; the weight I have lost is simply a symptom of becoming healthier. That has been the difference in my journey, and why I firmly believe this is my final effort.

Diets fail. The failure rate is horrific. If you go on a diet with the intention of dropping off it when you reach a certain weight, you’ll be yet another statistic proving that diets fail. And I’ve been there — I’ve been on dozens of diets, and I’ve fallen off dozens of diets, regaining all of the weight, plus some.

My advice? Be a scientist on your own behalf. Take the time to learn about yourself, what helps you personally, what motivates you. Look for the permanent changes rather than the temporary fixes. Ignore the odds; there is always someone who is capable of defying them, and it’s entirely up to you to define your own success. As long as you are making progress toward improving your life, you are a success. Buck those odds.