True confession: I didn’t get this blog written in a timely manner. No fun videos this morning!

As I’ve been chiseling away at the weight I gained over the holidays, I’ve been surprised by the number of hints that have shown up randomly.

Even after years of working toward my goals, I struggle. The shapes of the struggles have changed significantly over recent years, but they’re still present, reminding me that I have to consider my life as a whole rather than getting lost in one moment or one challenging day.

Yesterday, for instance; I really did not want to get in my walking step goals. It happens a lot this time of year; I love walking outside. I have great places to walk, and I can be alone with my thoughts while I enjoy my surroundings. Spring is just around the corner, and I’ll get to walk among the flowers, trees with sprouting leaves, the sounds of people out and about. On the flip side, I absolutely detest walking inside, but with cold temperatures and a rainy start to the year, my choices have been limited to walking the halls of a local rec center or driving to the gym to get on a treadmill. And friends, for me, treadmills are torture.

I dragged myself down to the rec center, put in my earbuds, and started walking. Frankly, walking hallways and gym floors while listening to music just bores the ever-lovin’ snot out of me. I feel like my brain is just passing time while my body does its thing. I had a step goal to meet and was just a couple hundred steps shy of it when one of the office workers stopped me. Inside, I cringed; my little town is just full of friendly people who want to talk, but when I’m exercising, I don’t want to gab. (Unless it’s while I’m walking; walking with friends makes the time go by quicker.)

She asked me how much weight I’d lost and we discussed diet and fitness, and then I went back to walking and finished my goals. While I was irritated at the time, though, it served as a reminder that I need to keep focusing on my own path.

This has happened several times over the last couple of weeks — as if some cosmic force is reminding me that I have goals to meet and to stick to them. Each, in their own way, has served a great purpose, regardless of how it was intended; I had to be open to the nudges, though.

A few days back, I took my mother in for physical therapy; she went to the same place a few years ago, and I came in with her a couple of times. The therapist, as we were leaving, told me that I look great and I’ve done a wonderful job. I raised my eyebrows because I figured my mother had been talking; she’s proud of my weight loss and will occasionally mention it to medical folks. I replied with thanks and said “Mom must have been talking,” but she countered with “No, I remember you!” That surprised me; it would be one thing if I were the patient, but I wasn’t, and I met her three years back. She remembered, too, that I was working toward knee surgery. It was a nice reminder that while time has passed, I’ve managed to stay true to the things I promised myself I would do.

Before that, a friend accidentally invited me to a Facebook group on weight loss, but it was surrounding a particular product. At first, it irritated me, because I have had this happen, before; I researched the product, even considered accepting the invite and then telling people they were wrong to trust the product — but in the end, canceled the invite and told the friend privately that I wish her well, but could not accept the invite. That’s when I found out that the invite was an accident. In the meantime, I was furious at yet another diet sham where distributors sell a product and claim it’ll help you lose weight, but that’s never an “official” claim of the product. I even wrote out a long, pithy blog post on it and decided against posting it; people who go that direction firmly believe that’s the answer, and if it at least gets them started on the right road, then I suppose it’s a good thing. It certainly isn’t for me; I want to fully understand my body, not look for short term payoffs.

This trend of hints started a few weeks back with a random friend request on Facebook. I vet such requests and had no clue who this person was, so I looked at her profile. The posts that were public were entirely about her selling her diet product; why wouldn’t you want to lose weight if all you have to do is take a pill? The alternating posts were about all the freedom she now has because she’s a distributor for whatever this magic pill is and how it can make other people just as happy. So I sent her a private message and asked her why she sent me a friend request; she didn’t answer.

I admit that I’ve had requests like that, before, and I don’t know whether these people think my profile pic shows I need to lose weight (I will always have chubby cheeks!) or whether they’re just throwing out a blanket of requests in hopes of selling products. I try not to take it personally but I admit I get really incensed about it at times. But then I examine why I feel that way, and it’s because I know that they have no clue what I’ve been through, that focusing on health and losing large amounts of weight is, by necessity, hard work — and they’re selling a simple solution that will only compound the problem for those who chase the false dreams they sell.

Let’s face it. If I was a dishonest person, I could sign on as a distributor for whatever the latest diet trend is, show the proof that I’ve lost just shy of 200 pounds, and deceive a lot of people into believing they could do the same — for a price. I could probably make a ton of money doing that, but I firmly believe these products are patently dishonest. And this journey, while it started on the idea of simply losing weight, has taught me that the weight loss is just a side effect of learning about myself. You can’t sell that in a pill, a shake, or a supplement; you have to learn it for yourself. And the good news is that it’s free.

All of these instances served to remind me that I need to keep pushing, keep focusing on my goals. I am back on track and have been since giving myself my own Come To Jesus after the holidays; and I’m thankful that these small things happen to reinforce for me that I’m on the right track. Soon, I’ll be back at my peak.