It’s been well over a month since my husband came home to work, an absolutely challenging experience for a teacher with special education students. Over a month that I’ve had to explain to my aging mother that she can’t live life like she normally does because she’s at a much higher risk of catching COVID-19 and dying.

The days dragged on in slow motion, filled oddly with canceling appointments, trips, recreation. Doubt about the future. Insecurity. Fear.

I admit that I gave in, for a while, to emotional eating. I mostly stayed with foods that I normally eat, but I overate them. I gained a little bit of weight; thankfully, not much. But the weight wasn’t the issue; my mental attitude was entirely to blame. I felt myself starting to give in to the demons that plagued me years ago, deriving far too much comfort from a full stomach. After all, that’s a basic emotion, regardless of whether you’re a human, dog, or any other animal. We eat, we sleep. The world seems a little more manageable when we’re sated.

I came to the hard realization that I needed to clean up my act. When things do improve — and they will, even if we’re not exactly sure when — I want to be at my best. I want to be ready. Strong. Capable. And I am none of those things if I am not in control.

So, this week, I’ve been taking back that control. I’ve been getting my exercise in. I’ve been taking charge of what, how, when I choose to eat. Getting back in the groove is always a bit of a struggle, which is why it’s just plain easier to stay in control rather than work to regain it.

I’ve been setting goals. It’s an entire picture; setting achievable goals, whether they’re related to working, cleaning, self-care, are all important. Achieving them helps my mental health, which in turn reinforces my physical health, and my friends, there’s been no more important time than now to dedicate yourself to mental and physical health.

Sure, if you’ve been on social media, there are a ton of memes about eating and drinking our ways through the pandemic. I’ve also seen quite a few comments disparaging the idea of self-improvement through these tough times. While I get it — everyone has to find their own mojo in times like this — I also highly recommend giving time to not only grieve what we’ve lost, but to build ourselves. It’s time to admit that while I’ve been shaken by dealing with a changed world, I refuse to let it stir me into wallowing. I’ve been there. It’s not a place I wish to return.