Last week, I couldn’t bring myself to sit down and write a blog. I couldn’t think of anything redeeming to write about. I’ve been in a bit of a funk — not over my own journey, although I’ve let food and drink intake drift out of hand, and I’ve since returned to the basics for my own accountability. It’s a symptom, and I needed the quiet to realize it.

I’m human. This pandemic is getting to me. I’ve let my brain get mired in the muck, and I know I’m not alone; while my family has remained healthy to this point, the stress of the school year ahead is getting to both my husband (a high school teacher) and I. We’ve done well to mitigate our risk, the challenges in the near future are greater. While I firmly believe all any of us can really do in any challenge is to be as prepared as possible and then deal with what happens, I’ve also had to deal with the anger I feel about the unreasonableness of the situation.

But this blog isn’t about that; it’s about my own personal journey in taking control of the things I can. And this is one that I can only control what’s within my power. As I have said many times before, I know I can control my own intake, and I’ve become comfortable in my own processes of what I eat, how much, when. This week, I’ve grabbed back that particular control and returned to the basics of accountability: recording my food intake so I know without question how I’m fueling my body. When I exercise, that’s automatically recorded through my FitBit.

I’m already seeing positive change, there, and I will continue to embrace the basics as I move forward. Mental quiet is my safe harbor, where I can figure things out.

That holds true with other challenges in my life, as well. I am quick to anger when I see ugliness online, but I work online, so it’s difficult to avoid. But just like having too much sugar in my diet works against me, so does willingly exposing myself to the nasty side of the internet. For a while, at least, I need to put that negative intake into perspective so I can regain the strength I need to face upcoming challenges. For me, that means seeking to understand the things that upset me, rather than allowing gut reactions. It means analyzing what my part is in my challenges rather than simply reacting on an emotional level and allowing the theft of hope.

And hope, my friends, is the most precious commodity we have in this time. Without hope, there is no change.

Much of my journey has been about improving my mental health while building my physical health. That’s as true today as it was nearly seven years ago, and I know the signs well enough at this point to recognize when my mental wellbeing needs to be tended. Investing in my mental wellbeing is two-fold: finding peace and shifting the process. Failing to address the things that get to me has a direct effect on so many different things in my life, but it tends to show up in my environment and in my ability to digest information.

The first action I have to take is to limit unnecessary things that tend to make me react emotionally. A prime example: news stories may upset me, but not in the same way comments on news stories do. Reading the ugliness there infuriates me. Limiting my access to comments means I can not only better understand the news story because I’ve lessened the emotional impact, but it doesn’t have the added issue of inducing stress. That’s just one example. Actively choosing such things slows the impact on my mental and emotional wellbeing and allows me to respond in more constructive ways.

Secondly, controlling my reactions gives me the ability to find peace. That stillness which allows me to figure things out and not simply lose myself in the tumult, much like the subtle shifting of the tide, is fully necessary so I can nurture myself without backsliding, and then make good decisions based on rational thought. Doing that inspires me to create good, which helps both myself and others.

In the past, I’ve failed to recognize the symptoms, or simply ignored them, which led to any number of failures in both mind and body. Now, I fully recognize those warning signs so I can work on them.