So, about that whole cupcake thing from last week… it wasn’t a cupcake that got me; it was a dark chocolate brownie with vanilla bean ice cream and whip cream on top.

Last Friday, we went to a restaurant with our friends and dined out on the patio. I was pretty proud that I had reviewed the menu beforehand and selected the best options for my birthday meal out. After all, I was a mere 3 pounds above my next goal weight and I didn’t want to do anything that might set me back.

That was until the waitress presented me with the free birthday dessert at the end of the meal, and I was completely caught off-guard. Under normal circumstances, I might have expected it, but we have rarely dined out during the pandemic, and let’s face it, the way restaurants must do business has changed. This was also my first visit to this restaurant.

I’m embarrassed to admit that the logic loop on the way to eating almost all of that luscious brownie was probably about three seconds long, if that. I know it wasn’t the case, but I also felt like all eyes were on me in that moment. Had I been thinking clearly, I might have given it to someone at my table. Or asked for additional spoons so others could eat the majority of it and I wouldn’t have been facing expanded-hips-by-brownie. But I went for it.

I don’t use any kinds of sweeteners; not sugar, not artificial sweeteners. I do not eat anything at all that’s sweet. So when I took that first bite, it tasted so sweet that my teeth literally ached. And it was a very tasty treat. I enjoyed every bite of that unplanned deviation. But I did not enjoy the 2.2 pounds I immediately gained from it, or the fact that it has taken me nearly a week to get back to where I was before I made that choice.

I even posted a pic of it online with the admission of making that choice. Many of my friends told me that I deserved it, and they hoped I enjoyed it. I’ve written about this previously, but I firmly believe that using food that’s off plan as a reward for sticking to a plan is self-sabotage. A rare, planned treat is one thing; an unplanned and totally spontaneous indulgence, when I have been working hard to achieve particular goals, is quite another.

It’s the small choices we make that add up. This particular choice cost me a bit more time as I rid my body of the sugar and fought immediate cravings for food, which is something I don’t normally deal with. I’ve now paid the price and gotten back where I was, but had I avoided that particular pothole, I might have at least been closer to my goal — or I might have even met it. I could have been spending this blog writing about finally achieving a weight loss goal of 200 pounds lost, and my plans moving forward from finally meeting that momentous goal. But I let a bowl of sugar get in the way.

As the holidays approach, I am dedicated to being more steadfast in controlling my choices.