I’m a firm believer in the idea that people come into (and leave) our lives for a reason. We are constantly learning lessons, and maybe teaching a few ourselves by our own presence in someone else’s life.

I don’t know exactly where I fit or what purpose I serve in anyone else’s life, and I admit I don’t often analyze the roles someone else plays in mine unless there’s some reason to mull it over. As I’ve been going through the remaining pieces of my mother’s life, deciding what to keep and what to part with, remembering and also learning a bit, I’ve realized that she had been fearful and perhaps ready to leave this life for longer than I thought. But her place in mine is indelible.

I don’t think she necessarily started out life as a strong woman. Neither did I, really. But we’re forged not only by what we survive, but the choices we make to better our lives. That’s what I choose to take from her life, and her place in mine; she inevitably lived the life she wanted, did great things, traveled, loved, served.

That’s pretty much what I want out of life, as well, generally speaking. I’ve grown stronger with each challenge I face; some I most definitely lost but took the lessons in stride. Others, like losing weight, have taken the majority of my adult life to get right. But I figure for as long as I’m still learning, still open to the challenges I face, and still choosing to enjoy life, then I’m making the lessons count.

Sure, I wish I had opted to work on myself a bit harder — quite a bit earlier, too. But I have the choice to wallow in regret or move forward the best way I know how. With the fresh reminder that life is a precious commodity, I carry the lessons I’ve learned with me, as well as those who have been in my life and helped me learn those lessons.

As I keep working toward my goals, I’m happy and just a bit proud that “normal”, for me, has changed from the dark places I hid years ago to a daily routine that benefits my health as well as my mental wellbeing. While I’ve been doing important work these past couple months and have had to pivot to a different emphasis, I look forward to a time when I can go hiking, camping, travel, enjoy my backyard on a sunny Saturday, hug my daughter like I’m not ever gonna let go. These things matter.

The lessons I’ve learned and the strength-building I’ve done have been an investment in myself that has buoyed me during a time when I could easily choose to find solace in food, give up the lessons I’ve learned, slide backward into depression, regain my weight. But doing so would mean throwing away the lessons and the people who were (and are) in my life to teach me, and it would also mean disappointing those I’m meant to teach.

There’s only one way to get it done, now. No choice than to just do it, and do it for the rest of my life. <3