In just a couple of weeks, I’ll celebrate my 4th anniversary of my journey back to health. Four years! I’ll have much to say when that day comes, I’m sure. This is absolutely the longest journey I’ve ever been on, health- and weight-wise.

It’s certainly long enough to see patterns develop, and one of them is that my weight loss tends to slow down or stop during the summer months. There’s quite a few reasons for this, and they all have to do with choices I make. Please note — that’s not blame; that’s accepting responsibility and knowledge of my own choices, and that’s a key mental difference from previous unsuccessful attempts to reclaim my health.

Not the best diet advice ever.

During the summer, my daily schedule completely changes. In part, this is because my husband (a teacher) is home, and my work schedule is historically lighter during those months. We do a fair amount of adventuring, whether it’s camping, day trips, or vacations. I’m human; I happen to like eating food. I like sharing good meals with friends and family. I like drinking alcohol, too. I will relax my normally strict eating during these times, with full knowledge of the consequences and a plan for recovery.

There’s something else at work, though, as well. While introversion gets thrown around a lot these days on the internet, and I’ve had friends laugh at me outright when I’ve said I’m an introvert, one of the toughest challenges I experience during the summer is a lack of time to recharge. I need a certain amount of time to myself, with no human interruptions, no obligations where I must interact.

Don’t get me wrong; I love people, I love being around them, learning about them, experiencing them. But it also drains my energy. If I go for too long without a break from people, I fray around the edges. I become short-tempered, frustrated, overwhelmed. And those are the times I’m honestly most likely to go off any diet I might be on. It’s this time of year that’s the toughest for me, although now that the school year has begun, I’m starting to recharge.

When I am overwhelmed, I am at my most vulnerable.

It’s a treacherous time, because I know myself well enough to admit that when I become too overwhelmed, I lose control, and the more control I lose over my schedule and surroundings, the more unhappy I become, and I freeze. I find myself unable to make the effort to accomplish much at all. And that includes taking command of my journey. So you see, just the mere fact that I’ve managed to stay on this journey, sometimes wavering and other times strongly pushing ahead, is a victory.

I’ve found that even when my life is chaos, being able to control at least one small element of my life makes it easier to fight against that chaos. No matter what else is going on, I can control what I put in my mouth. I can control how many steps I take during the day. I can control how much water I drink. While I might choose to relax these things somewhat during the summer, reclaiming my control over these things has become a fall tradition, and is very much where I am right now.

While I am more lenient with my health demands over the summer, I never completely let go. I still know where I stand at any given time. I never surprised at a gain on the scale or if my clothes fit more snug than I’d prefer. I know exactly what I did to get there, and I know exactly what to do to solve it. That sense of power keeps me on an even keel with other factors in my life, even when I feel like my mental and emotional batteries are drained.

So here I stand, knowing that these next few weeks will be a time of regaining command and pushing forward yet again. In control — it’s a good place to be.