After last week’s buckling down, I am more confident this week that I’ll soon be at a new low weight. I’m glad because one of my biggest fears is that I’ll stop losing, lose heart, and once again regain everything I’ve lost, and more.
I always tell myself “never again!”, but to be absolutely honest, I say that every time I have made a weight loss effort. I stopped believing myself decades ago. I want, in my heart, to be absolutely sure — without a single doubt — that this time, when I say “never again”, I’m telling the truth. I’m well aware that’s entirely up to me.
Being complacent about my efforts results is the same thing as backsliding. That’s the truth of it, and it will not change with time.
I used to hope that I would magically arrive at some point in this process where I could just live a normal life. A time when there would be no consequences to making poor choices. A time where choosing not to exercise wouldn’t adversely affect my health.
That time will never come. If you are here, reading, wishing for the same — well, that’s the bad news. I have metabolic issues that no magic wand, or for that matter, medical treatment, will entirely cure. I’ve come to accept that’s part of the price I pay, and I’m willing to pay it. That’s a departure from my mindset of past efforts; I usually fell off my diets because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, so I just gave up and decided I would enjoy my food, my time not exercising, and turn a blind eye to the effects it had on my body and mind.
None of us can stop time or turn it back. It just keeps moving on, whether I make good choices or not. With nearly 6 years behind me, now, I am absolutely thankful that I stuck it out, even when I wasn’t actively losing; I could have chosen to change nothing at all. The truth of it is, with the health issues I had at the time, there was no guarantee that I would still be here six years later. I firmly believe that making those choices, investing that time, is why I’m here today; healthier, happier, a bit saner. It wasn’t wasted time at all, even though I had to prove to myself that I was able to follow through and change my own course.
During my weak times, I remind myself that I could have given up the moment I got discouraged and didn’t get the results I’d hoped for. With as much time I have now put into changing my life course, the weak times are occasionally still there, but I’ve invested so much in this outcome that I’m fine with not having a time limit for when it all ends.
Because it doesn’t really ever end; just moves into different phases. This is my life, now. The choices I make each and every day add up, and the results I’ve gotten have been slow, but life isn’t a race. As I move into my next phase over the days, weeks, months, and perhaps years to come, I know that I have complete power over “never again”.
(Accountability Update: I have 9 pounds to lose before reaching my low.)