I’m back from vacation! We have our haul of stuff from the Dominican Republic — and for me, that includes vacation weight. I knew I would gain, since I enjoyed eating and drinking whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted; it was as much a food vacation as a regular vacation.

Food indiscretions show up in bad ways, though, and the usual contenders reminded me that once I returned home and back to my normal ways of eating, my body would feel much better. This week has been about getting back into a routine; my normal extended walking, a return to normal eating. The pounds are coming off. There are several more to go, but I know they’ll be gone in a week or two.

The last time my husband and I had a vacation together out of the country was 2015. Back then, I still weighed more than 300 pounds, had two bum knees, and had to be transported in the airport and on resort in a travel wheelchair made to hold up to 400 pounds. I wore a titanium off-loader brace on one leg to keep my knee from locking up. I could walk short distances or up/down stairs when absolutely necessary, but those distances were measured in a matter of feet.

Six years later, I’m in the habit of walking around four miles every morning and can go farther if needed. I gave the travel wheelchair away to a local vet who needed one with a higher weight limit. I donated my knee braces after both my knees were replaced back in 2018. I walked with no issues at all; not even sand or up and down rickety wood stairs to small shops along the beach. I also easily used a boat ladder on a catamaran, where I was able to snorkel during a catamaran tour with my husband and friends.

In short, every single thing I yearned to do back in 2015, I was totally capable of doing in 2021.

But the most important thing I’m now capable of doing is pushing through and getting back on my program. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone on vacation, excited about the trip, and then got discouraged when I realized how limited my abilities were. I went off my eating program for vacation and never got back on, although in 2015, I had already been on this journey for going on two years.

I’m proud of myself. Believe me, I saw my reflection in mirrors and still battle with feeling like I haven’t gone far enough yet, but instead of letting that defeat me, I feel more determined than ever to achieve my goals. It was no trouble at all for me to switch off food-vacation mode and fall back into my old habits; my comfort zone, now, is being in control of my mind and how I treat my body.

That ability to remain in control of who I am (rather than yearning for who I want to be) also gave me the bigger opportunity to truly relax while on vacation with my husband. Dealing with wheelchairs, hindrances, braces, pain — all of those things are emotional labor and they detract from the joy we should feel when finally taking a bit of time for ourselves. With those things removed, all I really worried about was getting coffee in the morning to tame my inner morning bear. Espresso, you say? Heck, yes!

The best gift I could give myself was the ability to transcend over my previous inabilities, and although I came back wanting more, I know I’ll be even more capable the next time. That’s Paradise for me, and totally a state of mind.