As I mentioned in my last post, this past weekend was my birthday.  And what a birthday it turned out to be!  I didn’t worry all that much about what I ate or drank, but today, I’m right back on the straight and narrow.  It’s easier to stay the course when I have good feedback, like people recognizing my weight loss.

I’m learning that I’m underestimating myself, too.  My largest pair of jeans is getting loose enough that I’m constantly pulling them up, so I pulled out a belt.  My only belt, in fact.  Even though the signs were showing me that I’ve lost weight, there was part of me that believed that the belt would fit tightly, or pull in the pants so much that they’d feel tight or uncomfortable.

So wrong!  The belt fit, and I could comfortably buckle in the second hole.  I was quite comfortable with the belt, in fact.  I have to stop just assuming that things aren’t going to fit; I need to believe in myself more than I do.  That also applies to the horrible feeling of overindulgence… I didn’t stuff myself this weekend, but yesterday, I felt bloated, probably because my carb intake was higher than I normally allow it to go on weekends. That punishing part of my brain wants to give me the wrong feedback: I suddenly felt like I’d lost a lot of ground, just from a couple days of more relaxed eating.

While I’m a big believer in diligence, I think mental flogging is one of the ways my brain sabotages me.  Am I up in weight?  Well, probably, because of eating more carbs, which bind to water.  I don’t feel bloated today, though, and I’ve been drinking plenty of water to help flush stuff out.  I need to quiet that over-reactive part of my brain that screams sinking ship! Get out while you can! when I have actually planned to be relaxed on eating.  It’s guilt.  It’s shame, I think, because even though I eat normal portions of food, there’s my inner belief that others are judging me and thinking I’m eating too much because I’m fat… it comes down, folks, to not feeling like I deserve it, so just give up.

I’m happy to report that while I could feel those feelings coming on yesterday, I had no doubts in my mind that today, I’d be down at the gym, and I’d be eating right. Having the occasional indulgence isn’t going to kill me.  It feels good to be strong, and not having those mental arguments with myself.