After last week’s revelations, I’ve had a good, strong week — and a loss to show for it.

And, along with that, some growth; I am more focused than ever, now, on goal completion. Not just in weight loss; in whatever I encounter, because inevitably, it’s completion that’s the issue, not just whatever it is that doesn’t get finished.

I have a big event this weekend; we attend an annual wine festival, and it means a lot more walking than I usually do. I’m probably about 60 to 70 pounds heavier than I was last year at this time, and I discontinued arthritis medications in the spring because of gastric issues. This combination means that even a minimal amount of walking causes me a great deal of pain and discomfort.

I mention this, because even though I have a pretty high pain tolerance, I dread the idea of having to endure great levels of pain, especially in public. My answer has been to let myself slide into becoming a hermit; it’s not much of a challenge, just staying at home and not having to worry about pain. I will occasionally venture out, but it’s usually for very short walks; into a restaurant, into very small stores, to friends’ homes.

This past week, I went into my local Wal-mart (a very small superstore) and another much larger Wal-mart in a neighboring town. It has been months since I’ve been in one; I find them very difficult to negotiate. Still, there were things I needed for my upcoming trip, so on Wednesday, I visited my local Wal-mart.

Let me back up: I’ll also add that I bought a cane. Yeah, a cane to help me walk. It’s collapsible so I can stick it in my (suitcase of a) purse when I don’t need it. I felt stupid using it at my local Wal-mart, so I didn’t, but by the time I got back to my vehicle, my knees were screaming at me. But still — I made it.

19 Pounds Lost — Just like this turkey.

On Thursday, I made the decision to drive to another town. (I live in a very small town, and often have to leave town to shop.) I brought the cane. I realized, afterward, that I picked the sequence of stores by how mobile I could be in those locations; a trip to the eye doctor’s office was no issue. Then, to a small department store, where I knew the items I needed were close to the entrance. And finally, the bigger Wal-mart; by then, I was hurting, and had decided to break down and use a mobility cart. I brought my cane in with me, just in case. (I’d used it for the first time at the previous store.)

As luck would have it — there were no mobility carts available. I cringed at the thought of using one; and now, in retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t. I did my shopping by walking it out, and stopping at various benches throughout the store to give my knees a break. The lesson: take your time, plan, and you can complete the task.

For me, those challenges were important to face; I’ve been feeling a great bit of anxiety about my upcoming wine festival trip because of the necessary walking. Although my knees hurt horribly both evenings afterward, it was more important for me, mentally, to make the effort and get out to meet the challenges. I still feel some anxiety about the trip, but I know that if I take my time, I’ll be fine. I know the grounds well enough to figure out, in advance, how to cope.

It was equally important for me to accept that using a cane gives me some assurance, especially when my knees are hurting particularly badly. This is temporary assistance; as I continue to lose weight, my mobility will improve. I also have a custom knee brace (that’s currently too small, thanks to weight gain), and these items are here to assist me, not make me feel inadequate. Getting them and not using them is — well — stupid.

So, this week has been a learning experience, and I’m glad for it. While I’m not crazy about my set of circumstances at the moment, I need to be more aggressive about using the tools available to me so I can improve my quality of life.

This week: I’m down a total of 19.4 pounds. Almost 20, and almost 40% to my first goal of 50 pounds off. I’m thrilled!