Sometimes, life throws you back-to-back challenges; some good and expected, some bad and unexpected. This past week, those happened on the same weekend.
The good news, here, is that neither of these things derailed me, and that potential was most definitely there.
Although I don’t tend to be an emotional eater, there are times when even the most fun activities can bring me down to a point where I just decide I’ve had enough of trying to be good, and I blow my diet. It happened nearly two years ago, after spending a lovely week in Mexico; I never got back on the plan that helped me lose 70 pounds before going on vacation. I built up many expectations before that trip, and when I wasn’t as ready and fit as I thought I was, I allowed that frustration to spiral out of control — and ended up gaining everything I’d lost, plus 30 more pounds.
Last weekend, my husband and I went on a weekend group camping trip with a club we’re part of; we didn’t know that many people before going, and I admit, not knowing what I’m heading into often makes me nervous. I am constantly concerned about being judged, or other challenges I may face that could become awkward for a morbidly obese woman. I was absolutely delighted to discover that my weight wasn’t an issue at all; not to others who I was getting to know just a little bit better, and more importantly, to me. I did a lot of walking over the weekend, and I managed to work through things that might otherwise have posed a problem for me.
In all, it was a great time with great people, and I’m glad for the experience. Although I went outside the parameters of my plan, I actually did better than I expected to.
On Sunday morning, I did have some issues; we had to break camp unexpectedly early because of bad weather moving in. We were tent camping, and it was imperative that we break down the tent and get everything packed up before a thunderstorm moved in. (There’s nothing quite like breaking camp at 5:30 am, when you were up late the night before enjoying yourself.) I could have been a bigger help to my husband, but my inabilities were pretty apparent that morning. Still — we managed to get everything in our SUV and packed just as the rain started.
Little would we know that later the same day, that same area would be under threat from a tornado that would eventually be classified as a high EF4; the path of the tornado was perhaps 10 miles west of the campsite. We wouldn’t have been in danger if we’d still been in the campsite, but there’s something eerie about knowing you had the potential of being so close.
I freely admit that I have emotional issues tied to tornadoes. I was in kindergarten when my mother and I watched an F4* tornado cross the lake we lived on, and destroy a housing edition less than half a mile away, including the school I’d just been in earlier that day. There was no warning, and we lived with the destruction of that tornado for many months afterward. Between that experience and other close calls in later years, my entire body goes on high alert at the mere mention of tornadoes, and our area was under a high risk threat on Sunday. I could easily have stood vigil until Monday morning; not only do memories of close calls haunt me, but in my own recurring dreams, tornadoes are signs that I feel in danger and out of control. Luckily, I’ve had no such dreams recently.
On Sunday evening, like many of my fellow Arkansans, I was immediately struck by the horror of the destruction of a tornado that blasted through rural areas in Pulaski County, Mayflower, Vilonia, El Paso, and areas in between. It seemed like it lasted forever; the storm cell that generated that tornado stayed strong for over two hours. I was unable to think of much else other than the lives of those who perished, of those who lost family, of those whose lives are now changed by losing homes, possessions, businesses, jobs. I have only a small grasp of what they must endure, and my heart goes out to them.
And yet, now that several days have passed, I’m satisfied that these emotional swings haven’t taken their toll on me. There have been times when such strong emotions would have gutted me to a point where I didn’t care anymore about sticking to a regimen. I’m still in control, I’m still dedicated to change. I didn’t even really realize that I’d met a challenge. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is stay the course, and don’t waver when the emotional waves roll in.
*The Enhanced Fujita classification for tornadoes didn’t go into effect until 2007; while the tornado that hit parts of Arkansas on Sunday was classed EF4, the tornado that struck my hometown was classed an F4 because it occurred many years before 2007.
I did not have a loss this week, but I am within two pounds.