I admit it: I recently saw an internet article about a body-positive activist.

And I cringed. I’m still cringing, in fact.

Over recent months, there’s been more attention given to being comfortable with your own size. I think this is a good thing; I’ve been among those who have hated how I look, how I feel. I’ve been embarrassed by my size. I’ve caught myself feeling as if I need to make excuses because I’m a large woman. Getting past that is a monumental step forward; and I’m not quite there, yet.

A lot of us are self-critical; women, men, overweight, underweight… for a variety of reasons. We’ve been conditioned to think that somehow, some part of our being might be perceived as offensive or bad. We’re shy. We’re apologetic. We remove ourselves from uncomfortable situations — before we even know, for sure, that they’ll be awkward. We measure ourselves against a societal norm that may be personally unachievable.

In light of the accepted social stereotypes and expectations, I believe movements toward acceptance are good.

If you believe that a clothing line is discriminatory by not offering larger sizes — and at the same time, casting aspersions on those who would require those sizes — you vote with your money. Don’t give them your business. (But at the same time, recognize the reality that all successful businesses have target markets; not targeting a particular market isn’t necessarily discriminatory.)

There should be dialog about what’s normal, what’s acceptable, what’s healthy, what’s constructive. So often, media attention for such issues is far from constructive. Brooke Birmingham made the news when a Shape magazine freelancer rejected a photo of her in a bikini after a 172 pound loss. The good follow-up to this is that Shape and Brooke went on to do a photo shoot, and address the issues of women after large amounts of weight loss. We need more constructive discussions and results.

While I think Brooke Birmingham’s result is a good one, other disputes over size leave me feeling as if people just aren’t getting it.

You can easily find hundreds of articles by searching on fat shaming or fat acceptance. There are hashtags of #fatkini and #bbw and #bodypositive. While all of these things are, at their center, well-meaning — I see one problem with them: defining ourselves by our body type is still a mental confinement, no matter how you cut it. The article about the body-positive activist is a good illustration of this. Be careful of mental contradictions that tear down your own defenses instead of building up what’s good.

At one time, I was defined by my weight loss success, and that was probably one of the biggest factors that led me to give up on my journey — and gain back every single pound, plus a few more. On one hand, it’s an ego-boost to have complete strangers stop you and tell you they are proud of the efforts you’ve made. After all, losing weight, getting healthy and fit — it’s pretty freaking hard work, particularly if you fight against factors that complicate the battle.

But on the other, being overly consumed with one facet of you, instead of focusing on balance, can easily contribute to failure. There must be balance in every part of your life. How you define yourself is up to you; and in the long run, your own definition is the one that will sway how others view you.

I firmly believe that life becomes much easier with self-acceptance, even if your goal is to change that sense of self. I sincerely hope that while you might read my words regarding my weight loss journey, you will come away with a greater sense of who I am than simply my change in physical size. In my mind, the way you show the world that it’s okay to be a person of size is to present the world with the entire package; be a terrific person who just happens to also be of size. Make that a minimal factor.

When great people leave us, what is it about them that we miss? When Maya Angelou died, was her legacy the marvelous gift she gave us in her words and actions — or was she remembered because she was six feet tall?

When the most forward definition that you choose to present is your size, you’ve missed the point entirely. If you do so while attempting to make others feel inadequate with their own definitions, you’ve undone any good work you may have created by being body-positive. Remember — ‘body-positive’ belongs to everyone, not just to those of larger size.

PS: On a humorous side-note, I saw this article today: ‘Fat shaming doesn’t work, a new study says’  To which I respond — no, really? You needed a study for that?