Just like any other journey, I find myself taking brief breaks and assessing my surroundings. Although my body doesn’t seem to be in weight loss mode at the moment, I’m holding steady, which is a lesson in itself.

I had a little mini vacation over the weekend; a three day weekend to a wine festival we attend every year. Our daughter flew in and joined us, as did a couple of dear friends. Although the weather wasn’t the best, we had a good time.

This weekend was a lesson in being conscious of what’s happening in the moment, and I find that when I take the time to be fully aware, everything I experience is much richer. I have a brain that’s prone to rushing on to the next thing before finishing what’s in front of me, so relaxing and allowing full awareness isn’t something that comes easily.

I planned to relax my dietary restrictions for the weekend, but instead of just shoveling everything in my mouth that I could, I fully tasted everything. If I’m going to have a planned “cheat” meal (or in this case, weekend), I’m sorely disappointed if my palate isn’t pleased. It’s not junk food I yearn for, although that’s an occasional want. Instead, I want the experience of food to be as pleasing as the environment and the company.

This is also true when I’m observing my plan, but I admit I don’t take as much care, because so many of my meals are habit.

I savored each bite and fully tasted it, instead of just filling a hungry stomach. I chose things I really wanted; not just empty carbs and calories. I find this sort of eating much more satisfying, and when I take my time and enjoy my food, I’m much less likely to just throw caution to the wind and eat whatever happens to be convenient.

Perhaps it’s because I was more tuned into achieving that satisfaction, but I found that I didn’t overeat, and while I expected a small gain, I didn’t gain as much as anticipated.

I was also more careful to remain in the moment throughout most of the trip. I took my time getting around and found that I was able to do most of the things that I enjoy about the wine festival. Poor weather limited some activities; my inability to be fully mobile limited others, but for the most part, I don’t feel cheated in any way. I love the tours, but I’m not at a point, yet, where I can participate; perhaps next year.

Being able to relax and not worry about my surroundings, limitations, or perceptions was quite refreshing. I waste far too much time feeling embarrassed or wanting to make excuses to having gained back weight. I’m sure people do wonder, and perhaps wait until I’m out of earshot to make comments; we ran into a family we’d last seen perhaps seven or eight years ago, and I’ve gained a substantial amount of weight in that time. At first, I thought about not saying anything at all to them, but then I got over myself — and had a nice time chatting with them.

This is part of the process; I need to be more comfortable with myself, my size, my limitations — no matter what size I am, no matter what my limitations are, because every single one of us has boundaries we must live within, and those boundaries are different for everyone. There are many things I am totally capable of doing, which others cannot; it’s often easy to forget that there are things that are fully within my boundaries that are outside of the range for others. We tend to look at what we lack, rather than what we possess.

Perhaps these pit stops are there for a reason, and there are lessons to learn.

NSV (non-scale victory): I am finally to the point where I seriously need to consider giving up the jeans I bought when I first started losing weight over a year ago. When I bought them, they fit, but they could fit better; I always felt like I needed to pull them up because invariably, the back of my shirt would creep up and people would see far too much of my lower back (and upper butt bubble!).

Thanks to the miracle of lycra, plus-size clothing can fit for a wider range of weights, and I was pretty much at the top of the range when I bought two identical pair of jeans. Now, I’m finally at the low point of the range; this past weekend, I had to keep pulling them up because they sagged, and when I did pull them up completely, they sat above my waist! They’ve been my comfy jeans for a while, now, and it’s time to move on to something that fits me better.