57 Pound Boxer – Not A Toad!

Finally! I’m happy to report that I’ve broken through my plateau. This morning, I am now down 57 pounds. I’m absolutely thrilled to have broken through the plateau I’ve been dealing with; the last time I recorded a new low weight was on August 30. I proved to myself that not only can I work through the temptations to trash my diet, but I can also get back in losing mode. I never totally left my diet — but my head was most definitely working against me.

I’ve done a few things over the last couple of weeks that have helped me regain my focus. One of the big ones was to keep a promise I made to myself when I started this weight loss journey; I had previously taken two progress videos, but kept telling myself I’d do it, again, at 50 pounds down, and I hadn’t done it. Over the course of the months between the first time I passed the 50 pound mark and now, I’ve crossed that line several times — watching my weight go up and down, again. And still, each time I’d pass 50 (again), I didn’t make that video.

Last Friday, I finally made it. It’s the third one I’ve done; the first was when I first started, the second was at 17 pounds down. Each time, I spoke to my future self; the self I knew would inevitably start getting shaky, tempted, and frustrated. I should have taken the time to watch those videos; I might have found my strength, again, earlier. That’s why they’re there, after all.

This time, I got something I didn’t expect at all. I watched all three videos — in order — and I’ll tell you, honestly, that I openly cried through all three.

I have a tendency to be very critical of myself, which is one of the many reasons I avoid cameras, or act like a goof when the camera is on me. I immediately look at how prominent my extra chin is, if my eyes are equally open, if my hair is sticking straight up. There are plenty of times that I’ve told myself that it’s time for a new profile photo for Facebook, and skipped it, because I didn’t like the results. I know I’m not the only person who does this; I nitpick until I just decide I’m not going to use a photo.

The videos are only for me, but I know they are going to be emotional treks, so I tend to shy away from feeling those emotions. Avoidance is also pretty common for those of us that want to put distance between the deep emotions tied to making a big journey like this, and our every day lives, but it’s also necessary. So, deciding in advance that I felt pretty good that day, I opted to take a deep breath and do it. I even made it through most of the video without crying.

What made me cry, afterward, wasn’t what I said in the videos… it was the physical differences I saw, looking at myself, with the biggest surprise being the most recent video. No, my weight loss is not that evident; but the changes in my mental outlook, in how I take care of myself and present myself to the world, have changed greatly. These have been gradual changes over the course of more than a year, and while I might be wearing the same clothes, my outlook on life has improved greatly.

Despite the challenges that I’ve faced in losing this weight, and the fact that I have so far yet to go, I am truly thankful that I’m on this journey. Perhaps it’s appropriate that this comes at Thanksgiving; I am grateful for having made the effort and put the work in. I am happy that I can see such prominent changes; perhaps not so much in my weight, because I’m really still on the brink of being noticeably thinner, but the inner changes, the mental changes, the important and crucial changes that will improve my chances at eventually reaching my goals, are happening.

Thank God.