I’ve felt this way when I’ve stepped on the scale – plenty of times.

I’m so close to my low weight; just a few pounds more, and I’ll be there. And while the song title “25 Or 6 To 4” doesn’t describe my weight loss, it’s close: I started out around 24 pounds up from my low, and I’ve dropped to being less than 4 pounds above it. I’m happy about that!

Perhaps the thing I’m looking to, most, when I pass my low, is changing my Facebook profile photo. I’m tired of looking at the one that’s been up for so long; it’s a year old, and I want a new photo. I’m ready to put a new number in the corner, since that’s how I keep up with my total weight loss on-line. It’s a constant reminder of the weight loss I’ve achieved.

And yes, it’s a number.

If you’ve been a reader of this blog when I’ve attempted previous weight loss journeys, you know I’m not much for depending on numbers, and when you commit to a weight loss plan, very often you can get swallowed by numbers.

Numbers: weight, BMI, measurements, calories, carbs, body fat percentages… they drive me crazy, and they’re nearly impossible to escape. A few years ago, I managed to lose a great bit of weight by only using clothing fit as my indicator of weight loss — but when you get down to it, even that is a number.

To make matters worse, there are any number of medical reports that stipulate what numbers we should aspire to; the diastolic and systolic numbers for blood pressure, cholesterol, HDL, LDL. Thyroid lab ranges. A1C and fasting blood glucose.

Silly me; I thought I was done with math when I left school! I start every day by weighing and recording it. I track my food and shoot for specific ranges. I need a certain amount of water; I need to sleep a certain amount of time.

It’s just hard to escape them — but every time I have stepped away from this numbers game, I have gained weight. The last time, it was one hundred pounds. (Another number!) What’s a woman to do?

But… of course… I play the numbers. And that’s where I am and will likely stay, recording numbers, figuring out ideal ranges, adjusting percentages, digits and totals and summaries and averages all dancing around my head like a mathematician. This is something I’ve come to accept over the last month or so. The numbers matter — I just have to make sure that I keep them in perspective.

If the numbers come out right, though, it’ll all be worth it.