The last couple of weeks, I’ve done big stuff — like, really big — for me.

The weekend before last was a big party weekend with a club I’m in. It included camping. In the rain. In trying circumstances that aren’t usually an issue when camping, but I got through them. I’m also fairly close to being able to manage the camper myself; I just need to learn how to tow it and put down/take up stabilizing jacks. Everything else? I can do it, and not to be mean about it at all, but I’m also well aware that many of my perfectly fit friends wouldn’t attempt such a thing. 😛

Phun, phun, phun at the tailgate!

Last weekend my husband and I drove down to visit our daughter and her husband, but we also attended a Buffett tailgate and concert in Frisco, Texas. If you don’t know anything about Jimmy Buffett or the legendary tailgates associated with his concerts (which also included ZZ Top this time — BIG concert!), you haven’t experienced the ultimate in tailgates. It’s truly a wild and fun experience.

And A LOT of walking. For me, 5.87 miles worth, to be exact — which far exceeds any daily walk total I’ve had to this point. By the end of the day, both hubby and I were dragging; he also suffers from knee issues, so we basically raced back to our vehicle like tortoises, but we made it. My feet and knees needed some recovery time, but I survived it all, and it was worth the effort. This would have been absolutely unthinkable even six months ago.

The concert venue itself was on a soccer field with small folding chairs that have seen better days. 148 pounds ago, I would have freaked out if I’d seen the chairs, knowing without a doubt that they wouldn’t hold me — if I’d even made it down to the field at all, and not had a panic attack from how close everyone was. The more I weigh, the more I fear crowds generally and being boxed in particularly. I was anxious at first but managed to relax enough to have a great time with friends. (And huge thanks to those of you that assisted me — you know who you are, and I am indebted.)

These are positive experiences, but when I returned home and stepped on the scale, I had bad news waiting after nearly two weeks of being on the road and not eating and exercising the way I normally do. I’ve got some work to do to get back down to my low again — and surpass it — so I can claim that 150 pounds down.

When I gain weight, I tend to have to correct my thinking; just the pain in my knees after walking such a long distance last Saturday reminded me clearly of how my knees felt a couple of years ago. They’re better, now, but I have no desire to go backward in time.

This morning, I also saw a photo on Facebook, taken four years ago, of a great time I had with friends; taken when I was at or near my highest weight ever and had yet taken my first step on my current weight loss journey. It used to make me cringe to see such photos, and I’m sure I dreaded having my photo taken at that moment. These days, it’s merely an indicator of where I was at that point in my life. The issues that plagued me, then, are behind me as long as I keep pushing forward.

I find it strange that I can have two big weekends of success and then when my brain knows my weight, it erases that good for me and I start to worry. I suppose that’s positive, in a way, because I always need to be diligent about keeping my focus, but I have to remember that my future isn’t written, yet. I’m the writer. It’s entirely up to me to continue doing new and great things or to slide back to where I’ve been. I don’t have to repeat the trials I’ve been through in the

I don’t have to repeat the trials I’ve been through in the past, and I don’t have to accept that my future is already defined. The shape of my future (and my butt!) is up to me. I’m going to keep writing better chapters.