It’s been a confusing week for me… I’m been upside down and inside out. (Blame Diana Ross.)

Just about right on schedule, my weight hit a small decline. I’ve lost .8 pounds since last week; it’s still weight loss, and I’ll take it. (This now lands me 6.4 pounds above my low.) Weight loss slowed down, but why? What’s to blame?

I didn’t bother with the snooze button, because I didn’t set the alarm.

Myself, that’s who — because this last week has been a reminder that successful weight loss is often not just about what goes in your mouth. I’ve recorded every sip and bite that has passed these lips for the last 24 days, and I’ve been well within the proper ranges. Right on the money, in fact.

I’ve learned, in the past, that I have to have certain things in place for weight to move downward, and food intake is just one piece of the puzzle. I need to drink enough water to keep my body from trying to hold onto water weight. I have to get enough consistent rest, as well. There are a few other things, but these are the major ones.

There’s something about my husband going on a trip that turns me into a teenager in regards to taking care of myself. Yes, I kept to my diet, but everything else went out the window the moment he walked out the door. I didn’t keep up with drinking enough water, which is a constant struggle for me. And I certainly didn’t get enough sleep.

I’m normally an early riser, but if I’m alone in the house, I transform into a night owl; I saw midnight every night but one, and a few times, I saw the small hours of the morning. Unlike a teenager, though, I’d wake up when the sun brightened the bedroom and woke the dog — usually around 7:30, at the latest, and if I went to bed at 3, that just wasn’t going to work for a productive day and a restful sleep.

Consequently, I’d about fall on my face asleep before noon, take a quick nap, stay awake for a few hours and do the things I needed to do, yawn at 7 pm, swear I’d go to bed at a decent time, and then see 1 am on the clock, again. As you can imagine, the times I’d eat were as goofy as heck, too.

Incidentally, I work from home, which means I can do my work at whatever time I feel like it, but I try to keep traditional work hours. This week? Spin the roulette wheel, see what hour it lands on, and maybe that would be the consecutive hours of sleep I’d get… as long as it’s under 5.

My husband is back home, and I’m regulating my schedule, again. While I’ve been frustrated at the scale, I have to remember that I have to do everything right to succeed — not just one or two things. Slow loss this week is a consequence of my actions. I believe that every once in a while, it’s both necessary and fun to change things up; I don’t regret my silly nocturnal bonding with the tv remote, or playing the living room sound system loudly at 10 pm (for all of about 15 minutes), but the consequence is that I throw my body off its rhythm.

It’s time to get back to reality… and push it.

(You’re welcome for the earworms.)

If you haven’t already figured it out, I’ve been naming my blog entries for songs — and this week is no different. There’s a jazz number called Niner Two by Don Ellis. When I was in marching band in college, we performed this piece. It’s especially tough because the time signature changes throughout the song, including an extended section in 7/4 time.

(YouTube video: Niner Two with the 27th Lancers Drum & Bugle Corp — I did not perform with this band. It’s just there for your entertainment.)

This was the hardest piece we ever marched to, and for a while, it didn’t look like we were going to be able to pull it off. Our marching band was a show band, and pretty advanced for its time. We prided ourselves on musicality as well as a showy performance, and it took extra hours of rehearsal to hammer Niner Two into place, but we mastered it. Unbelievably, we mastered it — and even the college football team stood on the sidelines and watched the show in awe. Believe me, that’s a rarity.

It took discipline and hard work, as well as a willingness to break out of the mold and try new things. And that’s exactly why I chose that song title for this week’s blog, because that’s where I’m at in my weight loss journey. I have pushed myself back into a mental place where I am disciplined in my food and beverage intake. I’m also trying some new methods to see how they work. And I’ve had to come to an understanding with myself: as much as I enjoy having weekends at higher levels of carbs and calories, they kill my progress if I let them get out of hand, and I’ve been routinely letting them get out of hand.

Much of that has been because I was losing hope in this process, and slowly gaining weight. I truly feared vacation, because I really figured that after nearly two weeks of a food and drink free-for-all, I’d have no desire to reign it all in, again; and the last time I just let my diet go, I gained 100 pounds in a year. I can never, EVER allow that to happen, again.

But here I am, on my third week of eating clean, and the weight continues to come off. As of today, I am now only 7.2 pounds above my low; considering I started out almost three weeks ago at 23.4 pounds above my low, I have reason to be very happy with my progress.

If I keep working hard, if I maintain the discipline, and if I keep my options open to adapt as needed, I just might pull off what looked impossible previously. Right now, my goal is just to exceed my low, but I’m proving to myself, again, that there are rewards for hard work.

No doubt many of you have figured I’ve given up on myself, again. I admit that almost happened.

But not quite. No, I’m back on the wagon, and giving it another try.

A week ago, I returned from a 10 night vacation in Mexico, plus a travel day on each side; nearly two weeks gone. I knew it would be a challenge, and I was sorely disappointed when I realized that my weight the last time I went on vacation, in July of last year, was almost exactly the same. I’ve basically spent a year maintaining my weight, and floating within a few pounds of my low but never surpassing it.

I told myself that when I returned from vacation, I’d do something about it; but I also secretly wondered if I’d bother to go back on plan at all afterward, because I’d gotten so discouraged and just had no fight in me. Not to mention, vacations are a challenge for diets, especially if you plan to go off of them for the duration, and nearly two weeks is a long time.

Instead, I found myself ready to try again. I was frustrated many times during those two weeks; my mobility problems meant traveling about mostly by wheelchair, and the many steep inclines and staircases at our resort meant stress on arthritic knees that required a steroid shot for pain before ever leaving home. Coming down sick while on vacation also didn’t help my level of frustration; it’s already a challenge for me to get out and about, but to do it with tonsillitis (of all things to catch in Mexico, it was my *tonsils* that misbehaved!) sapped me even further.

There was the hassle of airline seats, my own discomfort in bathing suits, and the strange attraction this year of having complete strangers tell me their medical woes. (People, I am in a wheelchair because I can’t walk long distances and it’s a compromise I made so I don’t slow down the people I’m with — not because I want to hear about your detailed medical history.)

I found myself facing a number of fears; the possibility of slipping in the tile shower or getting in and out of pools, inability to climb places for fear of falling, and more. Even more, I was frustrated with not being able to do things easily, such as getting into and out of transport vans without a fuss, walking on the sand, moving around freely on a boat ride we took, climbing steps to a beach bar.

The truth underlying it all was that every single one of these things would be easier if I lost more weight.

Many issues: one solution. Get my fat ass back to work on getting rid of my fat ass.

And so here I am, again, ready to dig in and feeling pretty good about my accomplishments this week; I stepped on the scale on Monday to the bad news that I was 23+ pounds above my low, but I’ve lost 8.6 pounds of that so far, and I have new strategies to assist me when that beginning whoosh of water weight wears off.

I am committed to remembering this — and to doing what’s necessary to keep from putting myself in the same situation, again.

I’m still on the roll downhill after holiday weight gain; this morning, I’m a little over 6 pounds away from my low, so I’m slowly getting there. My body always gains faster than it loses. My plan is to be in losing territory, again, within the next few weeks.

If I plan to be successful at that, I need to embrace doing what’s necessary to make it happen. In light of that, I’m undertaking a project that I’ve done, before, but this will be new with weight loss: I’m going to apply The Success Principles to weight loss. If you’re not familiar with the book, it’s “The Success Principles – How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be” by Jack Canfield, the author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. While I’ve never read the Chicken Soup books, The Success Principles resonates with me, and I find that when I spend time thinking about them and applying them, I generally am in more command of my life.

I can’t promise I’ll make it through the whole book… but here we go!

Principle 1: Take 100% responsibility for your life.

This is a huge undertaking, right out of the gate. Taking 100% responsibility doesn’t mean blaming myself; it means that I have to push any excuses out of my head, and truly understand that I am the one responsible for where I am right now. This also means taking responsibility for my weight and state of health.

Yes, there are circumstances that complicate my efforts, but I can’t change those circumstances; I have to accept them as limiting factors, live with them, and understand them in order to get past them and work on the fundamental changes necessary to be successful in weight loss.

Getting rid of excuses is tantamount. Yes, there’s a history of obesity in my family. Yes, I have complicating medical issues, including hypothyroid and insulin resistance. Yes, I have crappy knees that prevent me from doing many forms of exercise.

But these are circumstances; there’s not much I can do to change them, which means I have to accept that they are part of the structure I must deal with, and manipulate, in order to succeed. None of these things mean I can’t lose weight; it just means I need to consider them when developing a plan. In other words, it’s not feasible for someone in my circumstances to go out and run a marathon; while it’s not impossible, it’s unlikely, and I’d be setting myself up for failure. I need to do things that are achievable and move me forward, despite circumstances.

I know of people who have done exactly that; they’ve purposely attempted something unreasonable, likely knowing and expecting to fail at it, so they can say “see? I tried!” I’ve done that in the past. These days, I work a lot on understanding exactly who I am and where I’m at in my abilities, so I can always be moving forward.

There’s only one person responsible for the quality of my life, and therefore, my ability to take command of my health and weight: me. Placing blame for my circumstances on my circumstances ignores what I’ve done to complicate my own path, and there’s been a lot. I’ve always had the power to change this; I’ve made decisions that have led to my weight fluctuations over time, and I have to acknowledge what I’ve done that created this, so I don’t recreate this again.

Canfield talks of the equation “E + R = O”, or “Event + Response = Outcome”.

Gaining weight is a series of events; whether it’s a situation that causes an emotional trigger or a health concern, the response to the event has to be a conscious commitment to make the right choice in response to the event. Bad day? Respond by finding a healthy outlet, rather than scarfing down a bag of Cheetos, for instance. Choosing the right response to an event produces an outcome that moves you closer to your goals, rather than further away. Being successful at weight loss — at anything, really — is a chain reaction of making the right choices.

This is something I struggle with. While I am not an emotional eater in the purest form, I do allow myself more latitude than I should, at times, and this is likely the reason why my weight loss is currently in this recovery stage. I get unreasonably disappointed with my efforts, and then I let myself slip. My own disappointment is the event; letting myself slip is the response; and the outcome is lack of weight loss.

I can’t change that I’m not a 20 year old man that can lose weight by cutting out one soft drink a day. (Ha!) No, the required effort is much greater, and I have to accept that. Every event I’ve experienced is a result of choices I’ve made in the past; the reason weight loss is so difficult for me, now, is because of bad choices I’ve made in the past, and that I can change that by responding differently.

For this next week, my challenge is to be more conscious of my choices instead of just falling into habit. I will be intentional about those choices, instead of just going with the flow. I tend to be lax in my efforts on weekends; it’s time to be careful about what decisions I make that could be hurting my efforts.

No loss this week, but I’m close to a new low — what will it take to cross that 60 pounds down mark before the end of the year?

I know the simple answer: diligence. We are leaving town today, to celebrate Christmas with family before we come home to our own, and that means my normal low on Saturday is out of the question. I’m simply not going to pack a scale to bring with me on a trip!

But I have more that I need to do. Lately, I’ve been learning some hard lessons about my changing body; my brain still thinks it can do things it used to do, but my body chemistry is proving me wrong. Normally, I’m a fast learner, but I’ve been slacking, lately.

Confession: I have become a cheap drunk.

Hopefully, you’re laughing at this. I know I have, despite some degree of embarrassment and a whole lot of good-natured kidding. I suppose, on the good side, I might save some money in the long run, if I can get tipsy on less liquor. Right? Perhaps this is really a cost-saving maneuver, considering New Year’s Eve is just around the corner!

Scientifically speaking, I suspect I know why this has become the case; I’m eating a lot less, I’m very strict during the week — so when I have a drink on the weekend, it metabolizes quicker than it used to. My doctor and I also recently discussed the likelihood that I have become insulin resistant ; as a result, my body doesn’t properly metabolize carbs. This is one of the main reasons I’ve chosen a low carb eating regimen, as it assists with such conditions.

Chemically speaking, the body uses fuel in a certain hierarchy. Most commonly, the body prefers to burn carbs (sugar, starches) first, and then fat. The basic idea behind a low carb diet is to limit carbs enough so that the body switches to burning fat as its primary source of fuel. This, I know — I’m hardly a newcomer to low carb diets.

But there’s one fuel that the body will burn faster, if it’s present: and we know what it is, don’t we? That’s right: alcohol is a form of carbohydrate. So if my body is chugging along, happily burning fat, and then I give it a glass of whiskey, my chemical engine is going to sputter and shift right over into alcohol-burning mode. And, might I add — with gusto.

Without getting too much more into the science behind fat storage, I have been limiting my carb intake on a more drastic level over recent months, and adjusting my daily proportions of fat-protein-carbohydrate. While being a wickedly cheap drunk is a downside to choosing to enjoy alcohol, because the rate at which it affects me is much quicker (and therefore not as easy to control as it once was), it is also a good sign. It’s a sign that my body is doing what I want it to do — that I’m on the right track.

Except, of course, there’s that lesson to learn: there’s obviously more adjusting I need to do, particularly at times when I plan on enjoying a few more carbs at a meal, along with an adult beverage. (Or two.)

Merry Christmas to my friends! I’ll raise a glass in your honor; and I promise to drink it slowly. 😉

Last night, the unexpected happened; I was trying to mentally wind down from tackling a difficult work project, when my husband called — he was stranded on the way home from work. That’s roughly 30 miles away, down a rural state highway with one business in that 30 miles, a smattering of homes, and a whole lot of forest land.

By the time I arrived, he’d already called our towing insurance service for a tow, and was in the process of setting up where it would be towed. I thought to myself, wonderful! Yes, a bad situation, but a quick resolution!

Two and a half hours later… those were not my thoughts.

Lots went wrong. We live in a very small town, in a rural area, with two full service garages; one with towing, one without. We needed a tow to the garage that didn’t have towing service. The insurance company called the other one to arrange a tow… and they refused service. They then called the garage they had chosen (and was the one we wanted, anyway) and got the name of the only other towing service within roughly 30 miles, maybe more.

They finally figured out where we were… just try explaining to someone at a call center in Utah, looking at a map of Arkansas, how on earth to find a vehicle, in amongst logging roads with no markings. (Oddly enough, I kept saying “we can send GPS coordinates”, but for whatever reason, no one wanted them!) We were then relayed to Chicago, and my husband ended up in a conference call with the tow company and the insurer. My husband enacted Good Ol’ Boy GPS; he explained we were past the bridge, a couple miles north of that curve with the new pond and where all the deer like to hang out. Bingo! The tow truck driver knew where we were. I’m pretty sure the insurance rep was talking about that phone call afterward!

After that, my husband left the call so the insurer could take care of payment — and we began the waiting game, watching every vehicle as it came near, thinking perhaps it was a tow truck; we’d been told roughly half an hour’s wait. By this time, it was pitch black; the section of road we were on was heavily forested, starting about fifteen feet from the edge of the road, with barely a shoulder. The disabled vehicle was barely off the road and around a curve, so we couldn’t really leave it; it would have been irresponsible, because someone ran the risk of hitting it, so we stayed put, flashers and lights on.

Time ticked onward. Hubby played games on his phone; I posted to Facebook, and then started beating out rhythms on my steering wheel in time with the hazard flashers. I’d start the engine occasionally and warm us up. I’d tense up on occasion when a big truck didn’t slow down as they passed, feeling the push of air rock our vehicle. Hubby used the redneck bathroom. I don’t come equipped for such things (easily), and wished I hadn’t had that big glass of water before leaving the house.

No tow truck.

The insurer finally called us, again, about fifteen minutes after, to tell us that for some strange reason, the insurer’s credit cards wouldn’t run; the tow truck service credit card machine declined the charges on three different credit cards. The service told the insurer to find someone else (WHO?!), but then, they asked if we’d be willing to accept the charges and be reimbursed. Luckily, our credit card ran on the first try, and finally, the tow truck was on its way, as we watched the flashers on hubby’s vehicle finally flicker their last dimmed flash as the battery died.

We did eventually get the vehicle towed to the right garage, and we arrived home to a late dinner and a warm bathroom. 🙂 We’re still waiting on a verdict for repairs, but I’m holding out hope that they’ll be reasonable.

So how does this relate to weight loss?

It’s about flexibility — and having a plan in place when things go sideways, because you never know when that will happen. Inevitably, on any plan, you’re going to miss a meal, be faced with options that aren’t perfect, deal with stresses, miss a workout, deal with Aunt Gladys insisting that bite of Christmas cookie isn’t going to hurt your diet one bit. These things happen, especially during the holidays, and it’s easy to get frustrated, derailed, and let illogical thinking take over.

You’re more likely to succeed when you think ahead; and when things don’t go quite as planned, accept that this isn’t forever, things will be sorted out, and you will return to the norm. That’s how you keep from turning one of Aunt Gladys’ Christmas cookies into eight of them, with a rum-soaked fruitcake on top of it. Never, ever believe that since you’ve deviated from a plan because of extenuating circumstances, that it’s okay to just go totally overboard for the rest of the day, or go totally off plan for good.

Sitting roadside last night, we could have been impatient, angry, tense, and fearful. Instead, we chose to relax, trust that everything would work out, and accept that we couldn’t change anything — so fretting about it wasn’t worth the effort; we ended up laughing, because when you get down to it, it was funny. You adapt, and you move forward.

It takes mental effort to keep your head in the right place and not let the inevitable curve balls strike you out.

After last week’s happy news of weight loss and breaking though stalls, comes post-Thanksgiving adjustments. I did enjoy my holiday; while I did limit myself somewhat, my body is extremely sensitive to gains, so I’m in the process of getting back to my new low.

Because of my ability to easily gain, my weight is like a seesaw. A few indiscretions immediately result in a few pounds to lose, and while they’re likely mostly water weight, it’s weight, regardless. Water weight is extremely painful to my joints, so I always know if weight I’ve picked up is mostly water — and it’s agony. Luckily, water weight is also the easiest to lose, so I’m not overly concerned about whether I’ll return (and break through) my new low; I know I will.

But I also like to enjoy the holidays. I’m very careful about reminding myself that being on a diet isn’t punishment; I will be working on weight loss for years to come, if I ever hope to completely control it. This also means that I have to have a livable plan, that allows for the occasional treat, with the understanding that I will pay for the treat with increased weight, and that I will immediately return to my established plan.

I’ll be dealing with the same thing on Christmas and New Year’s; I will allow for some leniency in my plan, with the understanding that there’s a price to be paid and a process to follow.

And goals to achieve. That’s the important part. I have goals set, and they keep me focused.

While my short term goal is to get through the upcoming holidays and perhaps even lose a little bit more in the few weeks left of the year, my next big goal is a lofty one. I’m at nearly 60 pounds down, and I have my eyes set on that 100 pound mark.

This is significant for me, because in the summer of 2012, my weight loss efforts culminated in an approximate 70 pound loss before making a trip to Cozumel. Between that time and Labor Day, 2013, I’d regained all of the weight I lost — plus 30 more. (And no, I wasn’t guzzling buckets of fries to get there. Like it or not, it takes very little for me to gain, so I must be on constant watch.) I gained 100 pounds in a little more than a year — and I was thoroughly and totally disgusted with myself for it. It’s taken me nearly the same amount of time, battling to lose that weight, and it doesn’t come off nearly as easily as it goes on.

We’ve set our plans for summer vacation, again; we’ll be returning to Cozumel — and I want to return to the weight I was in 2012. I still have all the cute clothes I bought for that vacation. I’ve been imagining being able to wear them, again, this coming summer; I wasn’t able to wear them in the summers of 2013 and 2014.

Can I achieve it? Yes, but only if I bear down and set my sites on the goal, and remember that goal when my brain wants to convince me that staying with the plan is just too much work. I’ve got six months, and 42 pounds to lose. And I intend to do it.

The best part of this is that I’m feeling stronger; the horrible part about 2012’s vacation was that I had unrealistic goals about what I’d be able to do while on vacation, and I got discouraged enough that I ditched my plan. I felt like I’d put in a ton of work for nothing, which was an absolutely dumb idea. What I’d give, right now, to have started this journey 100 pounds lighter! I wouldn’t have to be regaining lost ground — I’d be that much closer to my eventual goal.

I’ve gone through a vacation since then, and survived it. I’ve had some bad head games that tempted me to quit, and I have been working through them. I’ve proven to myself that if I put in the required mental work, I can get myself back in the right mental place necessary for success. And I’ll get through the rest of this holiday season, too.

58.4 pounds lost; 41.6 to go.