I’m down a little more this week, bringing my total to 37.8 pounds lost. I’ll claim the full 38 pounds when it’s actually the full 38 pounds. Still — I’m happy to be down just a little bit further. I’m sure I’ll have a pic of another overweight animal, or a toddler, next week. 😉

I’m at a point in my weight loss that has, in the past, been a test to my commitment. I’ve lost a nice amount of weight successfully, but it’s not noticeable enough for people to remark on it.

Now, this certainly isn’t unique to me. I think everyone who is in the process of losing weight experiences this. It’s when you’re teetering on that point of looking different enough that people overcome their own doubts enough to ask if you’re losing weight. It’s very possible that it requires a larger percentage of weight loss for the obese, because I’m well aware most people are very hesitant to say something to an obese person — and be wrong. It can be as much of a social faux pas as asking a woman if she’s pregnant; if she is, she’ll be glad you asked. If not… you’ve probably hurt her feelings and made her wonder why you asked.

Up until the point when people notice a person’s weight loss efforts on their own, that person is engaged in a private effort. If I were not so public about my weight loss, those I see often would likely not mention anything to me. Believe me, many an obese person who commits to weight loss is hesitant to share publicly that they’re working on weight loss, for fear of judgment… and one other thing.

Fear of failure.

You see, as long as you keep your weight loss efforts private, and no one has acknowledged that loss yet, you’re in the unique position of being able to turn back before people know. Maybe they suspect, but as long as they don’t say anything, you can remain in a mindset where you can safely fail without feeling public pressure over it. It means you can choose to fail privately — for whatever reasons you might choose that.

That moment of public acknowledgment is a turning point that makes it five times more difficult to go backwards. Mind you, it feels good to have your efforts recognized; but it brings with it pressure to succeed, and unfortunately, a vast number of opinions from others on how to do exactly that, even if you’ve obviously had a certain amount of success with your own methods.

Something vastly personal may become a topic of conversation every time you see someone. It’s an accountability that didn’t exist when no one knew you were trying to lose weight. But it’s also pressure, and in some ways, it’s acknowledgment that you somehow weren’t good enough, before. So many see obesity as a character flaw, that publicly committing to weight loss is like admitting you’ve been a selfish slob… which is usually far from the truth. Where a moderately overweight person also has fears of that public commitment, an obese person has the double whammy of excess weight somehow being an indicator of poor character.

This is exactly why I chose to commit publicly from the first pound lost. Believe me, it’s scary as hell, facing this particular albatross, but I’ve gotten to that public commitment phase before, and allowed myself to fail privately so that I wouldn’t be doing it publicly.

While every individual’s weight loss journey is unique, looking at methods to insure your success in the long run, and figuring out creative ways to deal with the stresses that have prevented success previously, must be part of an overall weight loss plan.

A calorie is a calorie is a calorie. If you take in less calories than your body expends, you lose weight. Simple!

How many times have you heard or read similar statements? How many times have well-meaning friends, family, or acquaintances said these words to you? I know I’ve heard them many times in my life — and years ago, I actually believed them.

For those of us who have made numerous efforts at weight loss over the course of our lives, the answer isn’t quite so easy. For a normal person of young adult age who has no health or genetic predispositions, the statement might be true. But for many of us, there are complicated factors that effect our ability to lose weight.

Yes, a calorie is a scientific unit of measure, but that doesn’t mean we all burn that fuel the same way, much like vehicles don’t burn fuel at the same rate. Take that average young adult and add in health and/or genetic issues, and that person’s ability to burn energy changes. I think we all know this; we’ve all heard the talk of complicating factors, such as PCOS, thyroid disease, and many more. Two women of the same age, height, and weight may very well expend completely different amounts of energy (and therefore, fuel — calories) to perform identical tasks.

Let me add another: some studies are now showing that once you lose weight, your body changes; it becomes more efficient and burns less calories to do the same tasks. Because it runs more efficiently, it requires less fuel. Give it too much fuel, and that fuel is stored… as fat. Conversely, in order to lose fat, greater effort or restriction (or both) is required in order to lose that fat. If either of the women in our example has dieted before, the chances of them having greater difficulty losing weight increase.

From the New York Times comes mention of a Columbia University study that reveals interesting insight to the changes dieters go through.

 Eventually, the Columbia subjects are placed on liquid diets of 800 calories a day until they lose 10 percent of their body weight. Once they reach the goal, they are subjected to another round of intensive testing as they try to maintain the new weight. The data generated by these experiments suggest that once a person loses about 10 percent of body weight, he or she is metabolically different than a similar-size person who is naturally the same weight.

The research shows that the changes that occur after weight loss translate to a huge caloric disadvantage of about 250 to 400 calories. For instance, one woman who entered the Columbia studies at 230 pounds was eating about 3,000 calories to maintain that weight. Once she dropped to 190 pounds, losing 17 percent of her body weight, metabolic studies determined that she needed about 2,300 daily calories to maintain the new lower weight. That may sound like plenty, but the typical 30-year-old 190-pound woman can consume about 2,600 calories to maintain her weight — 300 more calories than the woman who dieted to get there.

Scientists are still learning why a weight-reduced body behaves so differently from a similar-size body that has not dieted. Muscle biopsies taken before, during and after weight loss show that once a person drops weight, their muscle fibers undergo a transformation, making them more like highly efficient “slow twitch” muscle fibers. A result is that after losing weight, your muscles burn 20 to 25 percent fewer calories during everyday activity and moderate aerobic exercise than those of a person who is naturally at the same weight. That means a dieter who thinks she is burning 200 calories during a brisk half-hour walk is probably using closer to 150 to 160 calories.

Read the entire article: The Fat Trap

You can call this a metabolic slowdown of sorts, but the important takeaway from this is that if you have dieted before, you have to plan for subsequent attempts to be more difficult, because you must eat less and exercise more to produce the same result.

The great technological tools we have at our disposal may actually make this more difficult, because these sorts of factors aren’t accounted for. If you strap on a heart rate monitor for exercise, it will create a number of (suggested) calories burned based on the data you entered. Age + weight + height + heart rate should equal a certain range of burned calories. The same holds true for entering in information to a diet-tracking website or software: it works on calculations based on a norm, dependent on the information you enter.

Without getting too technical about these calculations, those of us with such issues need to consider that if we don’t lose weight based on the suggested calculations, it’s likely because they’re too high and need to be adjusted downward until we can successfully lose weight or see our desired results.

An example: I just now searched for an online calculator that would tell me how many calories I need to maintain my current weight. The result? 4,623 calories daily. Another said 3,467 calories, and the lowest reported 2200 calories.

I can assure you that if I ate at any of those suggested levels, even the lowest, I would gain weight — and probably a lot of it. At my current weight, I generally eat under 1400 calories a day. (I also chiefly eat low carb, but that’s another subject that I’m not touching on today.)

Every metabolic issue you have is a strike against you, and is going to shave calories off that number required to maintain where you are, right now, dietary methods aside.

I don’t say this to upset anyone; instead, I hope what it does is open your eyes to understanding that if you want results, you have to be willing to experiment with how your body handles fuel (food). Don’t rely on calculations, whether they’re for calories burned in exercise or daily caloric limitations. Be willing to chart your numbers and take some general notes on what happens when you eat at certain levels; experiment. Do not accept the numbers you’re given by computer-generated results; they are only a guideline. Our bodies are individual, and the computer-generated numbers are created for a norm which may not apply to us. Still, you can use these numbers as an indicator of what works and what doesn’t.

The above article is an interesting one, in that it speculates on many causes as to why repeat dieters cannot successfully keep weight off, if they’re able to successfully lose it in the first place. In some ways, it’s a depressing read, but in my opinion, knowing what you’re up against helps you understand the process. To really be successful at weight loss, you have to be willing to completely embrace your body’s method of working, but more importantly, you must change how you think. If you don’t do the research, you’re more likely to throw your hands up in frustration and give up.

If you know the challenges you face beforehand and can accept them, you’re much less likely to reach a level of frustration. You can quiet that inner voice that tells you to just give up. You stand a chance of success.

Jimmy, the 35 lb. beagle

Speaking of success, I’m happy to report a change in my stats; I’m now 35 pounds down. I passed two small milestones in those three pounds, as well.

The firsts was passing by 338. Back in 2003, I saw 338 on the scale when I first start a low carb diet. I’d dieted for several weeks, but didn’t know my weight because the scale I had was incapable of reading my actual weight. The first number I saw was 338. The journey that started with 338 ended at 197.5 — a loss of 140.5 pounds.

The second milestone, 337, was the weight I was at when I started a weight loss effort before my current one. During that journey, I lost 70 pounds.

While these might come across as depressing, since I started this effort at my highest recorded weight ever, I look at it as encouragement; I was able to lose great amounts of weight both times. I am smarter, now. I am determined to beat both losses… possibly combined. I’m now in territory I’ve been in, before.

I’m in a good place, right now, and looking forward to the next weight milestone, which is just two pounds away.

Self-acceptance may be one of the biggest issues women deal with, even if they are not overweight. Being overweight — even slightly — seems to amplify this. As women, we really do need to find ways to be kinder to ourselves.

Unfortunately, I think social media has made this even worse.

Just this morning, I watched a great video on a young man who decided to lose 130 pounds and surprise his parents. (You can see the video on YouTube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b4Gve_PaK4) The clip aired originally on NBC, and it’s a great story; see it here: http://www.today.com/health/son-surprises-parents-130-pound-weight-loss-2D11876422.

I don’t care how you go about losing 130 pounds — it’s a battle, and this young man did it through diet and exercise alone. I found the video of his parents seeing him for the first time, not knowing about his weight loss, extremely touching; I think most of us that have had weight issues would not only understand the excitement, but would want to commend him for his hard work.

Enter the trolls in the YouTube comment section, though, who made nasty remarks about his mother’s weight, and about him, as well. Sure, it’s easy enough to do on the internet; if you’re reading this blog, chances are you’ve seen innumerable instances of people being cruel, with no accountability. Simply put, the anonymity of the internet allows people to act like jerks, with few or no consequences, and often, plenty of reinforcement from other jerks. The YouTube video comments are actually quite mild, compared to other instances I’ve seen of fat shaming.

Most of us have seen some version of body shaming in person, as well. Someone is too short, too tall, too pretty, too ugly, too blond, too something. It’s as if we have to quantify other people in some hopes of finding fault — maybe to make ourselves feel better. The thing is, everyone who has been a victim of body shaming knows it’s wrong. Fat shaming often seems to carry with it judgments based solely on appearance. Because, you know, those who fat shame have the special ability to determine a person’s overall health, eating habits, choices, activity level, and family history, just by looking at someone. Let’s just fire all the doctors and hire these folks!

I’ve been a victim of fat shaming. Sometimes, it’s blatant; sometimes it’s subtle and comes from people close to me, including family members. For the most part, I ignore it; when it comes from strangers, I don’t value their opinions of me enough to care. It stings more when it comes from friends or family members, but I usually chalk it up to them not being aware that their comments hurt. Regardless, it doesn’t drag me down when someone says or does something that targets my obesity, but it took decades of desensitizing myself to it to reach that point. Sometimes, if I’m feeling fragile, it still bothers me.

I’m fat. I know I’m fat, and having someone reinforce that isn’t exactly big news. (BIG NEWS! Get it? *insert eye roll here*) Attempting to shame me to make you feel better just illustrates that you have issues that likely make you an unhappy person.

Regardless, this blog entry is more about fat shaming ourselves. When we devalue ourselves because we compare ourselves to an unattainable standard, that’s when the real damage occurs. It evolves into our self-talk. It becomes evident when someone gives us a compliment, and we’re automatically suspicious of the person’s sincerity. We make excuses for not already being the person we think people believe we should be. A friend of mine often will address this issue by saying “don’t talk about my friend this way!” She’s right; if we wouldn’t talk about someone else that way, why do we talk about ourselves that way?

We are apologetic and make fat jokes about ourselves, as if buffering ourselves against rejection before it even happens. We take ourselves out of situations that might be embarrassing, even if it’s something we truly wanted to do. We judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else. We tell ourselves on a daily basis that we’re somehow not good enough.

I do this — a lot. I recently had the opportunity to see friends that I hadn’t seen face to face in decades. These are people who I “see” on Facebook, and I often have current photos of myself posted, so why on earth did I feel the need to make apologetic comments about my own weight before seeing them? I doubt it made any difference at all to them.

It’s quite the conflict, reminding yourself to love and accept yourself as you are, today, when you’re also essentially trying to change who you are — whether it’s through weight loss, just getting healthier, or changing an old habit. Perhaps it’s because in my mind, “change” means a rejection of the state before the change. It means that something wasn’t good enough about the situation, and therefore, change was required.

I freely admit that I need a lot of work in this regard. That’s where most of my inner voice gets its critical tone: you must change because you are a failure.

I have to reject that thinking, and change it to you choose to change because you are heading toward something better. Perhaps it means the same thing at its core, but it comes from a place of choice rather than shame. Body shaming, regardless of whether it comes from ourselves or someone else, serves no purpose other than to degrade.

Good news: my last loss update was 31.8 pounds, and I’m pleased to say that this morning, I’ve now lost 32.2 pounds. While that’s not enough to change my public stats, believe me, I am thrilled to finally see a loss after the holidays.

This also puts me even with my previous recorded high weight. I phrase it that way, because I’d actually dieted for a couple weeks before I lost enough weight for the scales I had then to register, and that number was 338. I’m at 338.8 this morning. While it might be a dubious accomplishment to meet my previous high weight, I also see this as a nice mini milestone; I lost from 338 to 197.5, for a total of 140.5 pounds lost. It’s encouraging to me to remember that I did that, once. I’m smarter, now — and I intend to surpass that mark.

I have a couple other small milestones that happen in the next few pounds of loss, and I’m looking forward to scooting right on by them, as well. Maybe next week!

A few thoughts and observations on overindulging on Thanksgiving…

First and foremost, I admittedly took it too far. My intention to restrict overeating to just two days bled over into three, with the fourth being an average weekend day. That will not happen again on Christmas and New Year’s.

When I overeat, I feel like crap. My first mistake is overloading my plate, followed by finishing everything on it. I end up bloated and very uncomfortable. To me, that’s a horrible feeling, so why allow it? I don’t get why my brain thinks well, you *have to*, it’s Thanksgiving! What’s the point of stuffing myself until I’m in physical pain? It doesn’t give me a sense of satisfaction. Not at all.

And then there’s senseless eating. I had a few things over the last few days that I really didn’t even like all that much, but felt like since I took them, I should eat them. The most memorable of these was a piece of pumpkin pie — I don’t even really like pumpkin pie all that much, and this particular piece tasted odd. I should have just thrown it out, but instead, I ate it. Why on earth did I do that?

On a normal weekend, when I allow more carbs, I’m still selective about what I eat, and actually feel a bit put out if my only options aren’t good ones. I want to enjoy every bite I put in my mouth. I want that to be my goal when I eat, regardless of whether it’s a normal weekday meal, or something I might consider more special. Why even tolerate bad food? Why add those calories to the ones I have to burn off?

So, in a way, Thanksgiving served as a reminder that I should be more conscious of every bite; not just because of diet, but because of enjoyment. It’s a reminder of something I already knew, really, but it seems I need to be reminded again and again. I would have felt better if I’d taken normal servings and not been bloated at the end of the meals.

Likewise, I ended up gaining a total of 8 pounds; water weight, since most of that has come off, but still, it’s no fun watching that scale go up — for any reason. Luckily, most of it has come off since then, and I’m hoping my actual losses will resume next week.

This weekend is bringing its own challenges — another situation in which it seems to be allowable and encouraged to overeat; I live in the south, and there’s an ice storm moving in today. Chances are that we’ll lose power. I’m not sure why the immediate reaction of most people is to clean out the grocery store shelves when there’s a pending storm; they usually only last a couple of days, tops, but we do it, anyway. Our house is no exception.

Because, you know, chips and cheese dip are necessities to survive ice storms. 😉 Me, I’m prepared; the cheese dip is okay (in moderation), and I have other things to dip in it. No chips for me. Last week reminded me that I need to have a plan for special occasions — whether those occasions are holidays, celebrations, or unusual weather.

There’s no weight loss to report this week, but the good news is that I’m feeling a lot better about last week’s transgressions; it’s better to learn from them than to throw my hands up in defeat and use it as an excuse to give up, because I have had those feelings on occasion over recent weeks. I feel more solid, now.

This is one of the tough times, and I admit that I didn’t see it coming — and my Inner Walt is screaming at me that I’m not good enough. The screaming is pretty loud today. This is why it’s important that I keep this blog; because I need to talk my way through crisis times like now. I know what makes sense, and the inner voice doesn’t. Still, inner voices don’t listen to logic.

A couple of things have happened. First, let me get it out of the way: no weight loss this week, but with Thanksgiving on Thursday after two weeks of big losses, I didn’t expect it. That’s not the reason I’m struggling.

I’m floundering, and I very much need to get back to being in control and not allowing those inner voices to rule me. I know I can grab back that control.

The first issue is thanks to smart phones — and social media. Someone I love dearly just recently got a smart phone. She’s doing what’s normal with it; she thinks it’s okay to take videos and post them. She posted a couple of me; one just this morning, and I assure you that while I know it’s not on a service that anyone I know uses, I am absolutely and positively mortified to know the video even exists. I had one hell of a drinking binge yesterday (another issue entirely, but it didn’t help) and today, I look like death. She took a video of me playing with a dog.

Maybe no one else thinks twice about that video, but I feel I look grotesque. No make up, no shower, Jabba the Hut-like, incredibly fat, morbidly fat, and I am mortified that it’s out there for ANYONE to see. I am truly fighting with myself over this, because unfortunately, that’s who I am at this moment in time, and I really need to love myself as I am. This is a horrible trial for me, even when I’m at my best.

Do I leave that video, knowing that it is me at this moment, and I will improve, or do I ask that it be taken down? I don’t know. I’m trying hard to just leave it alone and understand that at some point, I’ll look at it and forgive myself — but not now.

The other is a discussion I had with a dear friend last night. We were talking about vacations. We took our last vacation with them in the summer of 2012. It was after that when I piled weight back on, to the tune of 100 pounds exactly. My friend doesn’t realize or understand that I’ve put on that much weight; the eyes of friends are mostly blind when it comes to stuff like this… except what she said hurt me. And bothered me. Once again, it didn’t help that I drank too much and at least I filtered what I felt instead of saying it aloud.

Essentially, we were talking about vacationing again next summer — and I told her that were we to go again, I’d have similar physical limitations to what I did the last time. While I think I can lose at least another 30-40 pounds, I won’t be at the point I was last time. For me, weight never goes off as fast as it comes on.

Still. She inferred that if I actually tried harder, it wouldn’t be an issue for me.

Tried harder.

It might as well have been my father, telling me you’re not good enough.

She meant well. She just has no idea what it’s like for me to fight the battles I fight. I immediately started questioning myself, and haven’t stopped. Am I trying hard enough? Could I be doing more? And while questioning isn’t a bad thing at all, the result of the two of these things combined made me feel like losing 30 pounds wasn’t good enough. Like I had no right to be proud of that.

Because — so what? There’s so far to go, and nothing has improved to the outside world, so why try, if you can’t be good enough?

I know I have to squelch those voices in order to succeed, and I know that in fairness, no one else knows what baggage I have or how I punish myself over the silliest of transgressions. I knew when I started this journey that it would take years to lose this weight and regain my strength and my dignity. I am barely three months into it. This is just the beginning, and the things I have ahead of me should require hard work, dedication, and not be easily won or accomplished. Easy victories rarely require lessons to be learned.

Still. That voice is screaming at me.

It doesn’t help, either, that I’m on Day Three of a four day “cheat” — and I will have to go through at least a couple weeks of detox to pay for four days. I’ll remember this at Christmas and New Year’s, though they don’t tend to be as much of a “food holiday” as Thanksgiving.

I need to remember how I’m feeling, right at this moment, and throw this level of anger back at the saboteurs when the next challenges come; and I know they will come. I need to grab back that control and stand for my own dignity. (And I think I’ll start with asking nicely for those videos to be taken down, because it is an issue for me, and punishing myself by leaving them out there doesn’t pay heed to my own control over myself.) It’s not that I’m hiding from who I am; in retrospect, I wouldn’t want my hungover unshowered self to be immortalized in video if I were 125 pounds. No one may see those videos… or any number of people might.

As for the other issue, I need to be careful to remember others’ perceptions — but in the long run, do what’s right for me. If that means changing something for my betterment, then I should consider that. But if it means feeling demeaned because someone else doesn’t truly understand that their comments are hurtful, I need to separate those comments from me and not give them the power to potentially derail me.

Because this is the bottom problem: this attitude makes me want to give up, as if the progress I’ve made to this point doesn’t matter. Logically, I know it matters. I know that losing 30 pounds is a good start toward where I want to be, and I have to work through this stage of my health in order to accomplish my goals. Giving up solves nothing; it just flings me back to that starting point, where I felt so horrible about myself that I didn’t even want to leave the house. Those days can never, ever happen again.

I have to remember, and I have to let logic win this battle and tell the inner voice to be quiet. After all, this hate I feel for where I am, right now, just intensifies if I don’t move forward with my efforts to become healthier; I just stay at this weight (or higher) and keep right on hating myself. And that’s no way to live.

Giving up does not make things better. It just makes them easier in this moment, and there’s a huge difference.

Finally, I have passed the 25 pound mark; this pleases me, because I set an initial weight loss goal of 50 pounds, and this means I’ve passed the halfway mark. Last week, I sat at 24.8 pounds down; this week, I jumped right over that number and hit 27 pounds down. I’m very pleased with this!

27 Pounds of Maine Lobster – yum!

I have a couple minor milestones that I should reach, soon; I tend to keep track of the points where I started losing weight in the past, if I’m over them — and I should be passing a couple of them in less than 10 pounds. In some ways, it’s like passing familiar mile markers on a highway; they’re small reminders of where I’ve been.

I’ll admit that my attitude has changed about them, and I’m happy about that. Each time I’ve dieted, lost weight, and regained it, only to lament that I’m at an even higher starting weight the next time, I have beat myself up for it. I’ve chided myself for failure. I have felt positively disgusted with myself for having allowed myself to reach such a horrible point — fatter than ever.

This time? It’s a strange feeling, knowing that I’ll be passing those previous starting numbers soon, hopefully by the end of this year. I don’t feel that disdain or the need to personally flog myself over it any longer. My perspective has changed; I’m happy to be closing in on those numbers. I feel a sense of peace.

That surprises me just as much as anyone. I’m at peace even though I have two hundred pounds to lose? Well, yes. I know the results won’t come tomorrow, or next week, or next year. But I feel so much better about myself because I’m doing something and making progress, and not allowing myself to get hung up on how fast or slow change comes. (Right now. I’ll allow that my attitude will need future adjustments at some point.)

Yes, I’m still embarrassed by how large a woman I’ve become. Yes, I still feel a great bit of anxiety, just performing many tasks that most people find easy. Yes, I worry about many things that others of lesser weight don’t worry about, because of my size and abilities. And yes, if someone could wave a magic wand and I’d wake up in the morning with the same body I left behind when I was 19, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Despite that, it’s become easier for me to accept where I am right now. Despite an adult lifetime of dealing with weight issues, I’m still learning and changing. There is still hope that this time, things are going to work.

The rewards for me, as I pass the 25 pound loss mark, are all good ones. I feel better than I have in quite some time; many of the health complaints I had before starting this effort have either improved or resolved. My knees don’t ache quite as much, and I know they’ll feel better as my weight continues to decrease. My clothes are fitting better. Because I feel like I’m accomplishing something by paying attention to my health, I am paying better attention to how I dress, how I groom myself, and the social activities I’m willing to participate in.

If you’re kicking yourself because you’ve gained weight, because you’re disgusted with yourself — please stop. Take just a week and commit to changing your lifestyle in simple ways, even if you’re not ready to fully commit to a diet/health plan at this time. Just the act of stepping forward to make the effort can have a tremendous effect on you.

25 pounds of flour

I had a slight loss this week, bringing my total loss to 24.8 pounds. MFP wants to round to 25, so I’m taking it, but not claiming the full 25 in my blog until it actually happens. Still, it feels good to be this close, and as I’ve written before, every single ounce down is progress, and I’ll fight for it.

I also measured myself this past week. I saw good changes in some places, apparent gains in others — but at this point, I’m inclined to disregard the gains; not because I’m sticking my head in the sand, but because other evidence points the opposite direction. My clothes are fitting better, and that doesn’t generally happen with a gain. Measurements will be more of a reinforcement when I’ve lost more weight; the differences will be larger, and I won’t be quite as smooshy as I am right now. Hey, I’m fat. It’s difficult to get reliable measurements, when fat is so pliable, and when I’m not sure I’m measuring in the same spot. This is just the reality of the situation; if this is your lot, as well, don’t let it frustrate you; just keep pushing ahead.

After all, the idea of using several methods of measurement is so there’s never the reliance on just one. When you just use one indicator, and the inevitable frustrating days come, the likelihood of giving up is greater. Using more measurement tools means more opportunities to show success when one (or even more than one) method doesn’t seem to be showing what you hoped for. Also, if all indicators do show the same thing, and it’s a gain, it’s time to change something.

Just last night, my friend Lori posted an article on another blog that hit home with me. Although I’m currently in a good place mentally, there are times when a .4 pound loss for a week just might get me pretty frustrated. I’ve gone through the litany countless times, before: I get frustrated, I throw up my hands and think that if I’m gonna be fat, I might as well enjoy it — and then the weight gain starts. Because I gain weight very easily, that attitude right there is a killer.

The blog, 4 Ways to Embrace Slow Change When You’re Feeling Impatient, speaks to this. In it, the blogger writes:

 2. Trick yourself back to the present moment.

When my “internal committee” is throwing a small fit about how long something seems to be taking, I call its bluff.

So you think it’ll take me ten years to get to the place where I can have the kind of relationship I’m wanting?

Well in five years, would I rather be five years closer to that desire or not? In eleven years? In two months?

Usually even my most stuck-in-the-mud resistance answers “yes” to all those questions. So then I bring us back to the present.

Since I know I want to move forward on this no matter how long it takes, what’s one action I can do now to embrace the change I’m making, slow as it may be?

This is absolutely spot on. Every time I embark on another weight loss journey, it takes me longer to get the weight off. I get frustrated. I stall. I hit plateaus. I also don’t do everything possible to change those situations, because I just give up; I don’t complete the task, and I don’t do one simple thing, which I should be very good at: I don’t remember that when I’m heavier, I’d give anything at all to go back and tell myself to suck it up and keep fighting. If it takes me ten years to lose fifty pounds, I’ll still be fifty pounds lighter; and that’s an appealing idea, no matter how long it takes to make that a reality.

Although I expected a slow loss this week on the heels of a 3.8 pound loss last week, there will be times that even .4 pounds will seem like a monumental loss. While things are good for me right now, I need to constantly stay on top of my mental attitude, and not relax; I need to keep pushing for changes in my methods and lifestyle, so I am prepared to be the person who will be another 25 pounds lighter — or 200 pounds lighter — whenever that day comes.

If I can point to one mistake I made after losing 140 pounds years ago, it was that I wasn’t mentally prepared to be a thinner, fit person. My body was in good shape, but my brain was still that fat girl, and I kept scrambling back into that comfortable corner. This time, I have to work consciously on changing my fat brain as I work on my body.

On a final note, I am .2 pounds away from being halfway to my first weight goal. While I’m not celebrating quite yet, I’m happy to be this close.

The blog mentioned above is worth a read for the entire article, and while you’re at it, please also visit my friend Lori’s blog: Hey Lori!! What Are You Waiting For? — She’s much further along in her weight loss journey than I am, has done a ton of great fitness work, and has overcome some tough physical challenges.

Last week, I dedicated myself to the goal of perfection. This week, I’ve come close, and it’s paid off.

There are going to be ups and downs with every effort, weight loss or otherwise; you have to be willing to look past the occasional pothole while you’re on the journey, so you’ll finally get to the destination you want without getting sidetracked. Last week was just such a pothole.

This week has been much improved. While not every day has been perfect, I have done much better at doing the things I should be doing; eating right, getting enough water, taking my supplements, paying attention to what I am doing so I’m in the moment and aware of my actions. (Eventually, that will also include exercise.)

24 Pounds of Trout!

While I didn’t achieve perfection, I came a lot closer to it. I put in the effort. I worked on killing procrastination. And it worked. I have a loss, this week, to show for the effort.

The lesson is pretty straightforward: do what it takes. If you’re not doing what it takes, you need to adjust. If you’re not willing to adjust, you’re likely not going to get the results you want.

I’ve had a 3.8 pound loss since last week’s weigh-in; that’s a fantastic number, and I’m extremely pleased with it. I’m now 24.4 pounds down in two months, and I’m very happy with that total. (I’ll also be pleased when I surpass the point where I can find interesting photos that aren’t fish or babies!)

For the month of October, 2013, I lost 8.2 pounds, which would be a nice monthly average, if I can keep it; about two pounds a week. At this point in my progress, other than some moments of frustration, I think I’m doing well; I’ve seen a vast improvement in health-related factors, particularly symptoms of IBS. Generally speaking, I feel better. I’m in a better mood more often, as well.

My clothes are also fitting better, both top and bottom. While I haven’t dropped a size, yet (and I don’t expect to for quite some time), my clothes are definitely looser. Even my shoes are fitting better; probably because of water retention issues.

I’ll be at 25 pounds down, once I lose .6 of a pound; and at that point, I’ll be halfway toward my first weight goal of 50 pounds lost. Halfway! I really feel like I’m accomplishing something. Hitting achievable milestones feels good.