No loss this week, but I’m close to a new low — what will it take to cross that 60 pounds down mark before the end of the year?

I know the simple answer: diligence. We are leaving town today, to celebrate Christmas with family before we come home to our own, and that means my normal low on Saturday is out of the question. I’m simply not going to pack a scale to bring with me on a trip!

But I have more that I need to do. Lately, I’ve been learning some hard lessons about my changing body; my brain still thinks it can do things it used to do, but my body chemistry is proving me wrong. Normally, I’m a fast learner, but I’ve been slacking, lately.

Confession: I have become a cheap drunk.

Hopefully, you’re laughing at this. I know I have, despite some degree of embarrassment and a whole lot of good-natured kidding. I suppose, on the good side, I might save some money in the long run, if I can get tipsy on less liquor. Right? Perhaps this is really a cost-saving maneuver, considering New Year’s Eve is just around the corner!

Scientifically speaking, I suspect I know why this has become the case; I’m eating a lot less, I’m very strict during the week — so when I have a drink on the weekend, it metabolizes quicker than it used to. My doctor and I also recently discussed the likelihood that I have become insulin resistant ; as a result, my body doesn’t properly metabolize carbs. This is one of the main reasons I’ve chosen a low carb eating regimen, as it assists with such conditions.

Chemically speaking, the body uses fuel in a certain hierarchy. Most commonly, the body prefers to burn carbs (sugar, starches) first, and then fat. The basic idea behind a low carb diet is to limit carbs enough so that the body switches to burning fat as its primary source of fuel. This, I know — I’m hardly a newcomer to low carb diets.

But there’s one fuel that the body will burn faster, if it’s present: and we know what it is, don’t we? That’s right: alcohol is a form of carbohydrate. So if my body is chugging along, happily burning fat, and then I give it a glass of whiskey, my chemical engine is going to sputter and shift right over into alcohol-burning mode. And, might I add — with gusto.

Without getting too much more into the science behind fat storage, I have been limiting my carb intake on a more drastic level over recent months, and adjusting my daily proportions of fat-protein-carbohydrate. While being a wickedly cheap drunk is a downside to choosing to enjoy alcohol, because the rate at which it affects me is much quicker (and therefore not as easy to control as it once was), it is also a good sign. It’s a sign that my body is doing what I want it to do — that I’m on the right track.

Except, of course, there’s that lesson to learn: there’s obviously more adjusting I need to do, particularly at times when I plan on enjoying a few more carbs at a meal, along with an adult beverage. (Or two.)

Merry Christmas to my friends! I’ll raise a glass in your honor; and I promise to drink it slowly. 😉

Last night, the unexpected happened; I was trying to mentally wind down from tackling a difficult work project, when my husband called — he was stranded on the way home from work. That’s roughly 30 miles away, down a rural state highway with one business in that 30 miles, a smattering of homes, and a whole lot of forest land.

By the time I arrived, he’d already called our towing insurance service for a tow, and was in the process of setting up where it would be towed. I thought to myself, wonderful! Yes, a bad situation, but a quick resolution!

Two and a half hours later… those were not my thoughts.

Lots went wrong. We live in a very small town, in a rural area, with two full service garages; one with towing, one without. We needed a tow to the garage that didn’t have towing service. The insurance company called the other one to arrange a tow… and they refused service. They then called the garage they had chosen (and was the one we wanted, anyway) and got the name of the only other towing service within roughly 30 miles, maybe more.

They finally figured out where we were… just try explaining to someone at a call center in Utah, looking at a map of Arkansas, how on earth to find a vehicle, in amongst logging roads with no markings. (Oddly enough, I kept saying “we can send GPS coordinates”, but for whatever reason, no one wanted them!) We were then relayed to Chicago, and my husband ended up in a conference call with the tow company and the insurer. My husband enacted Good Ol’ Boy GPS; he explained we were past the bridge, a couple miles north of that curve with the new pond and where all the deer like to hang out. Bingo! The tow truck driver knew where we were. I’m pretty sure the insurance rep was talking about that phone call afterward!

After that, my husband left the call so the insurer could take care of payment — and we began the waiting game, watching every vehicle as it came near, thinking perhaps it was a tow truck; we’d been told roughly half an hour’s wait. By this time, it was pitch black; the section of road we were on was heavily forested, starting about fifteen feet from the edge of the road, with barely a shoulder. The disabled vehicle was barely off the road and around a curve, so we couldn’t really leave it; it would have been irresponsible, because someone ran the risk of hitting it, so we stayed put, flashers and lights on.

Time ticked onward. Hubby played games on his phone; I posted to Facebook, and then started beating out rhythms on my steering wheel in time with the hazard flashers. I’d start the engine occasionally and warm us up. I’d tense up on occasion when a big truck didn’t slow down as they passed, feeling the push of air rock our vehicle. Hubby used the redneck bathroom. I don’t come equipped for such things (easily), and wished I hadn’t had that big glass of water before leaving the house.

No tow truck.

The insurer finally called us, again, about fifteen minutes after, to tell us that for some strange reason, the insurer’s credit cards wouldn’t run; the tow truck service credit card machine declined the charges on three different credit cards. The service told the insurer to find someone else (WHO?!), but then, they asked if we’d be willing to accept the charges and be reimbursed. Luckily, our credit card ran on the first try, and finally, the tow truck was on its way, as we watched the flashers on hubby’s vehicle finally flicker their last dimmed flash as the battery died.

We did eventually get the vehicle towed to the right garage, and we arrived home to a late dinner and a warm bathroom. 🙂 We’re still waiting on a verdict for repairs, but I’m holding out hope that they’ll be reasonable.

So how does this relate to weight loss?

It’s about flexibility — and having a plan in place when things go sideways, because you never know when that will happen. Inevitably, on any plan, you’re going to miss a meal, be faced with options that aren’t perfect, deal with stresses, miss a workout, deal with Aunt Gladys insisting that bite of Christmas cookie isn’t going to hurt your diet one bit. These things happen, especially during the holidays, and it’s easy to get frustrated, derailed, and let illogical thinking take over.

You’re more likely to succeed when you think ahead; and when things don’t go quite as planned, accept that this isn’t forever, things will be sorted out, and you will return to the norm. That’s how you keep from turning one of Aunt Gladys’ Christmas cookies into eight of them, with a rum-soaked fruitcake on top of it. Never, ever believe that since you’ve deviated from a plan because of extenuating circumstances, that it’s okay to just go totally overboard for the rest of the day, or go totally off plan for good.

Sitting roadside last night, we could have been impatient, angry, tense, and fearful. Instead, we chose to relax, trust that everything would work out, and accept that we couldn’t change anything — so fretting about it wasn’t worth the effort; we ended up laughing, because when you get down to it, it was funny. You adapt, and you move forward.

It takes mental effort to keep your head in the right place and not let the inevitable curve balls strike you out.

After last week’s happy news of weight loss and breaking though stalls, comes post-Thanksgiving adjustments. I did enjoy my holiday; while I did limit myself somewhat, my body is extremely sensitive to gains, so I’m in the process of getting back to my new low.

Because of my ability to easily gain, my weight is like a seesaw. A few indiscretions immediately result in a few pounds to lose, and while they’re likely mostly water weight, it’s weight, regardless. Water weight is extremely painful to my joints, so I always know if weight I’ve picked up is mostly water — and it’s agony. Luckily, water weight is also the easiest to lose, so I’m not overly concerned about whether I’ll return (and break through) my new low; I know I will.

But I also like to enjoy the holidays. I’m very careful about reminding myself that being on a diet isn’t punishment; I will be working on weight loss for years to come, if I ever hope to completely control it. This also means that I have to have a livable plan, that allows for the occasional treat, with the understanding that I will pay for the treat with increased weight, and that I will immediately return to my established plan.

I’ll be dealing with the same thing on Christmas and New Year’s; I will allow for some leniency in my plan, with the understanding that there’s a price to be paid and a process to follow.

And goals to achieve. That’s the important part. I have goals set, and they keep me focused.

While my short term goal is to get through the upcoming holidays and perhaps even lose a little bit more in the few weeks left of the year, my next big goal is a lofty one. I’m at nearly 60 pounds down, and I have my eyes set on that 100 pound mark.

This is significant for me, because in the summer of 2012, my weight loss efforts culminated in an approximate 70 pound loss before making a trip to Cozumel. Between that time and Labor Day, 2013, I’d regained all of the weight I lost — plus 30 more. (And no, I wasn’t guzzling buckets of fries to get there. Like it or not, it takes very little for me to gain, so I must be on constant watch.) I gained 100 pounds in a little more than a year — and I was thoroughly and totally disgusted with myself for it. It’s taken me nearly the same amount of time, battling to lose that weight, and it doesn’t come off nearly as easily as it goes on.

We’ve set our plans for summer vacation, again; we’ll be returning to Cozumel — and I want to return to the weight I was in 2012. I still have all the cute clothes I bought for that vacation. I’ve been imagining being able to wear them, again, this coming summer; I wasn’t able to wear them in the summers of 2013 and 2014.

Can I achieve it? Yes, but only if I bear down and set my sites on the goal, and remember that goal when my brain wants to convince me that staying with the plan is just too much work. I’ve got six months, and 42 pounds to lose. And I intend to do it.

The best part of this is that I’m feeling stronger; the horrible part about 2012’s vacation was that I had unrealistic goals about what I’d be able to do while on vacation, and I got discouraged enough that I ditched my plan. I felt like I’d put in a ton of work for nothing, which was an absolutely dumb idea. What I’d give, right now, to have started this journey 100 pounds lighter! I wouldn’t have to be regaining lost ground — I’d be that much closer to my eventual goal.

I’ve gone through a vacation since then, and survived it. I’ve had some bad head games that tempted me to quit, and I have been working through them. I’ve proven to myself that if I put in the required mental work, I can get myself back in the right mental place necessary for success. And I’ll get through the rest of this holiday season, too.

58.4 pounds lost; 41.6 to go.

57 Pound Boxer – Not A Toad!

Finally! I’m happy to report that I’ve broken through my plateau. This morning, I am now down 57 pounds. I’m absolutely thrilled to have broken through the plateau I’ve been dealing with; the last time I recorded a new low weight was on August 30. I proved to myself that not only can I work through the temptations to trash my diet, but I can also get back in losing mode. I never totally left my diet — but my head was most definitely working against me.

I’ve done a few things over the last couple of weeks that have helped me regain my focus. One of the big ones was to keep a promise I made to myself when I started this weight loss journey; I had previously taken two progress videos, but kept telling myself I’d do it, again, at 50 pounds down, and I hadn’t done it. Over the course of the months between the first time I passed the 50 pound mark and now, I’ve crossed that line several times — watching my weight go up and down, again. And still, each time I’d pass 50 (again), I didn’t make that video.

Last Friday, I finally made it. It’s the third one I’ve done; the first was when I first started, the second was at 17 pounds down. Each time, I spoke to my future self; the self I knew would inevitably start getting shaky, tempted, and frustrated. I should have taken the time to watch those videos; I might have found my strength, again, earlier. That’s why they’re there, after all.

This time, I got something I didn’t expect at all. I watched all three videos — in order — and I’ll tell you, honestly, that I openly cried through all three.

I have a tendency to be very critical of myself, which is one of the many reasons I avoid cameras, or act like a goof when the camera is on me. I immediately look at how prominent my extra chin is, if my eyes are equally open, if my hair is sticking straight up. There are plenty of times that I’ve told myself that it’s time for a new profile photo for Facebook, and skipped it, because I didn’t like the results. I know I’m not the only person who does this; I nitpick until I just decide I’m not going to use a photo.

The videos are only for me, but I know they are going to be emotional treks, so I tend to shy away from feeling those emotions. Avoidance is also pretty common for those of us that want to put distance between the deep emotions tied to making a big journey like this, and our every day lives, but it’s also necessary. So, deciding in advance that I felt pretty good that day, I opted to take a deep breath and do it. I even made it through most of the video without crying.

What made me cry, afterward, wasn’t what I said in the videos… it was the physical differences I saw, looking at myself, with the biggest surprise being the most recent video. No, my weight loss is not that evident; but the changes in my mental outlook, in how I take care of myself and present myself to the world, have changed greatly. These have been gradual changes over the course of more than a year, and while I might be wearing the same clothes, my outlook on life has improved greatly.

Despite the challenges that I’ve faced in losing this weight, and the fact that I have so far yet to go, I am truly thankful that I’m on this journey. Perhaps it’s appropriate that this comes at Thanksgiving; I am grateful for having made the effort and put the work in. I am happy that I can see such prominent changes; perhaps not so much in my weight, because I’m really still on the brink of being noticeably thinner, but the inner changes, the mental changes, the important and crucial changes that will improve my chances at eventually reaching my goals, are happening.

Thank God.

In a desperate (and hopefully comedic) maneuver to remain relevant… yes… Baby Got Back — on track. 😉

I’m back within striking distance (3.4 pounds) of a new low, and I got there by getting myself fully back on track, and taking control of not only what I put in my body, but what thoughts I allow to take up residence in my brain. I’m feeling stronger as time goes by, and watching the pounds going away (again) and being so much closer to declaring a new low — well, that’s pretty good incentive. We’re also making plans for next summer’s vacation, and while I know I’ll have to deal with limitations for some time yet, my goal is to be more mobile, and yes, weigh less. I like having goals to work for.

I had initially set the goal to break through my plateau by year’s end; while that’s the long end of the range, what I truly hope for is to break it by Thanksgiving.

While I understand and embrace the idea of working through such challenges one day at a time, I also think that having too myopic of a viewpoint can work against me. Getting too caught up in the daily ups and downs of weight loss left me with a feeling of hopelessness, because I hadn’t seen progress in too long of a time; it’s times like that when good intentions and negative inner voices war with each other, and it’s easy to listen to the voice that says “you’re going to be doing this FOREVER, how about a little break once in a while?”

If you don’t have your mind in the right place, the occasional cheat is a slippery slope to a much larger cheat — and then a more intentional cheat. And before you know it, your system has stalled out. The further off-track we go, the more of a challenge it is to get back to where we need to be.

And I’m glad to be getting closer to where I need to be.