Week 12: Doing Good!

Jun27

Wow, Week 12!  I’m almost at the 3-month mark.  Hard to believe!

I’ve managed to shove my automatic OCD thoughts about the scale out of my brain.  This really is a big accomplishment, because it’s been historically easy for me to convince myself that the number doesn’t matter, only to start giving up a little at a time; skip a workout here and make an excuse, eat a little extra there.  I’m feeling pretty solid these days, and that’s huge, people.

I also chose my new try-on pants; they’re size 24 Riders, and I have worn them in the past.  I won’t have to lose as much for them to fit; I was able to zip them up and button them, but they’re tight, a bit all over, but especially in the upper thigh/crotch area.  I’m continuing a 6-week “Skinny Pants” challenge, and I think these pants won’t be so overwhelmingly difficult to get into; the capris were so tight when I first tried them on that I could barely get them up, let alone trying to button and zip them.  This pair should show some results, and it should be more rewarding.  Plus: no slimming panel. WIN!

Exercise is paying off.  There are things I was able to do this weekend that have been difficult for me in the past.  I didn’t do them easily, but the fact that I could do them at all is noteworthy.  Sometimes I get frustrated with exercise, because it seems like it’s still hard to get around, and that’s true; but having stuck with exercise consistently has paid off.  Although it’s still difficult for me to stand for really any period of time, I’m able to walk around and do tasks for much longer than I was able to just a few months ago.  It makes me feel a bit more normal.

I like where I am right now.  I think as long as I stick to my guns, the weight will continue to come off.  Yes, it’s a slow process, but eventually, I’ll get to my goal.

Pants Try-On: Week 11

Jun24

I have lots to report today.

First and foremost, I’m considering my try-on capris to be conquered. I can and will wear them out and about, and while the blasted slimming panel is sucking my gut in, the facts are that I was able to button and zip them immediately after taking a shower.  Now, friends, that’s a challenge for any pair of jeans.  😀  I will select my next try-on pants some time later today, once I try them on.  I’m sure you won’t be surprised when I share that they will be a pair that I have worn previously.

I had made myself the deal that I would only weigh when I reached a pants goal.  I’m considering today the day, and as you should be able to see by the ticker in the upper right hand corner of this page, I’m recording a loss of 17 pounds. I’m choosing to accept it, because that’s where I am right now.

The following is yet another reason of why using the try-on pants method and staying OFF the scale works for me.

I got on the scale at the gym, expecting a 25 pound loss.  A fair expectation for 11 weeks of work, and I’ve been a really good girl with food and exercise.  Especially exercise.  So when I saw a net 17 pound loss, instead of being happy, I was disappointed inside.  And then my brain started working.

One thing I don’t believe I shared about my initial weigh-in was that my wounded ego didn’t like the first reading I got on the scale.  It was somewhere in the neighborhood of 345-347; I don’t recall the exact number.  I weighed a second time and got 334.  In my mind, I really wanted it to be the lower number, but in retrospect, I’m not sure that lower number was correct, for a few different reasons.

First, I weighed on a standard scale, like you’d find in a doctor’s office; the kind where you have to push weights over and balance them.  This is down at the gym.  My personal scale doesn’t read above 300.  (Imagine the ego buster it is to weigh on what’s basically a public scale, where anyone passing by can see your weight, if they’re nosy. The horror!)  If you’re familiar with that kind of scale, you know that the biggest bottom weight is the 300 weight notch, which is the furthest one to the right.  It’s possible, though, to push the weight beyond that point, by a fraction of an inch.  But because it’s based on balancing those weights, pushing the weight beyond the notch results in a lower weight.  And I think that’s exactly what I might have done. 😐

I might have saved my ego a blow on that day, only to feel cheated after making a big effort to bring that number down.  Either way, it’s a mindf*ck.

Secondly, a 28-30 pound loss makes more sense, because us big ladies know it takes losing a LOT of weight to go down one size.  I was barely able to get the capris up past my hips; today, they’re buttoned and zipped.  Normally, for my body, that would require more than a 17 pound weight loss.

Now, all this really proves is how quickly I can get hung up on the numbers.  That initial number does not matter. It’s not where I am, today, and the only purpose it serves now would be to fuel my ego by reporting a higher loss.  That number doesn’t mean anything compared to the better fit of my clothing, my ability to move easier, and the number of improvements I’ve had in health and body issues during the past 12 weeks.  In fact, that number pales in comparison. It’s just one more unit of measurement.

So I’m sure you’re asking — if I knew there was the chance of a mindf*ck, why did I weigh?  Well, for one thing, I am tracking calories and exercise, and those things hinge on knowing a BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate).  I’ve been guessing for 11 weeks.  I’ve been guessing right, or I wouldn’t have lost any weight at all, but it’s still better to have some sort of number to base calculations on.  Even those calculations aren’t necessarily correct, because everything is relative to how my body actually processes energy, something I really have no way of knowing except for guesswork.  But it does at least give me some markers to use for steering myself in the weeks and months to come.

And for another, I knew eventually that I would need to deal with it so I can move on.

Regardless of any number, any size change, any other unit of measurement, this much is clear: I am smaller and healthier than I was 12 weeks ago.  That’s indisputable.  In another 12 or so weeks (or however long it takes to get to the next goal pants… and maybe shirt), I’ll be able to say the same: I’m smaller, I’m healthier.  And friends, that’s really truly what it’s all about.

Week 11: Coasting

Jun20

I admit that this week, I feel like I’m just coasting.  Late Friday, I came down with some sort of stomach virus, and it has taken a couple of days to just totally shake feeling crappy, so even though I’m on track with food and exercise, I’m just sort of apathetic at the moment.  I’m going through the motions and I’m not particularly excited about anything, but the truth of the matter is, I’m tired.  I’d probably feel a might bit perkier if I weren’t wanting to crawl into bed and sleep for a few more hours.

Overall, I require less sleep these days, which is good.  I’m getting up every morning and going in for pool work; it’s becoming habit to do it.  I’m eating well.  I’m just not feeling that spark at the moment, and days like these will come and go, so I’m not particularly worried about it.

I am happy that I’m at 11 weeks.  Any time I first start a weight loss effort, I just hope I’ll stay on it for the long term, and I know that at some point, I’ll look back and think “wow, have I been at it for that long? Go, me!”  So, 11 weeks — Go, Me!  I think in my mind, I want to pass that 16 week mark, but considering that I topped out at 28.5 lbs and then started gaining during that 16 week effort, maybe I’ve already mentally passed that mark.  I’m not warring with myself like I was, then.

Later this week, I’ll finish a 6 week “mini-challenge” based on wearing skinny jeans and getting them to where they’ll fit better.  I suppose my capris fit better than they did when I started, but not by much.  Still.  I’m making other sorts of progress that aren’t measurable by anything other than me paying attention, like requiring less sleep, and being able to swim 40 laps without stopping.  There are just some forms of progress that I have to be happy with the knowledge of change rather than being able to show something tangible for it. Anyway — I digress — I may well weigh on a legit scale on Friday, just so I know where I’m at since it’s the end of the mini-challenge.

Moving forward… onward and downward!

Week 10: Try-On Pants, Episode 92582345235252

Jun17

Well, at least it seems like it’s been that many times that I’ve tried on those capris!

I’m wearing them right now.  I decided to give it a whirl.  They feel fine everywhere except the dreaded and infamous slimming panel.  So, I’m gonna wear them for a few hours and see if the fit changes.  I had planned on doing this before, and just never did it.  I have a pile of clothes to wash and these are clean, which is probably just as good a reason as any.  I can breathe in them, which is definitely good news; I won’t be dying of oxygen deprivation because of this experiment. 😀

My conclusion: I’m losing weight, but not in my stomach.  At least not recently.  I have lost weight in my butt and legs; the capris fit fine there.  I think mentally, that has thrown me off, because even when obese, my waist tends to be out of proportion with my hips; if I get something to fit in my hips, it’s usually too big in the waist.  It’s quite unusual to be the other way around, but not impossible.  Not to mention, nothing says that I’m losing weight in the same places that I have, previously.  That nasty menopause is right around the corner, and my waist just might not drop as much or as quickly as in previous attempts.  Regardless, I’ll live with it.  I have to, don’t I?  It’s just where I happen to be, right now.  It’s not where I’ll be in another month or year.

I also decided to weigh myself this morning.  Never fear… it wasn’t a real weigh-in; my home scales are digital and won’t weigh over 300 pounds.  Anything over 300 produces an error, which is exactly what I got this morning.  That’s why I say it’s not a “real” weigh-in; it was just more or less a test to see if I was under 300, without knowing exactly how much weight I’ve lost.  I would have been pleasantly surprised if that’s what the scale showed.  My last effort was 16 weeks long, and I lost 28 pounds; I’m 10 weeks in, and I would have had to have lost 35 pounds to put me under the 300 mark.  Again, not impossible — but not likely, either.

Now, I have a fear to voice.  I was out running errands just a couple days ago, and had to do more than my usual share of walking and standing around.  By the end of the day, I was in some pain, thanks to arthritis.  Standing in one place bothers me most of all, and there were several occasions where I had to do exactly that.  On the good side, I was able to move around more than I have, previously.  On the bad side, I am heading on vacation in a little more than a month, and the thought of being in pain every day because of being out and active distresses me a bit.  I was hoping I would be further along in weight loss so the burden on my knees wouldn’t be so great.  To add to that, the pain in my left hip appears to be returning.  This is despite being diligent with exercise and strengthening muscles all over my body.

I don’t want to be in pain. I want to enjoy my vacation.  I’m really hoping that some of these issues improve in the next month.  Considering the strides I’ve made in the past 2 1/2 months, I’m sure things will be better by then.

On the frivolous side: I bought myself some blingy flip-flops.  They have a low heel.  I haven’t bought anything with any kind of heel to it in the last couple of years, because of my knees.  I’m only going to wear them for events where a minimum of walking is required.  I admit that I’m a shoe whore, and it just bothers the heck out of me that my weight and my knees have taken me out of wearing cute footwear, so I treated myself.  😀

Week 10: The Beat Goes On

Jun13

Wow, Week 10!  I’m glad to have gotten this far.  While I admit that I’m not overly thrilled with the progress of my try-on pants, I think it’s a good time to remember some of the important changes that have occurred over these past 10 weeks.

This is a huge one: I am satisfied with smaller portions. When I’ve done low carb previously, I’ve often gone with the idea that you can just eat as much as you want, just watch the carbs.  That does work in the early days, but even Dr. Atkins said that at some point, calories matter.  And if you keep eating as much as you want, your stomach remains used to the volume of food, and both calories and carbs can become a problem. While I eventually counted calories, too, I often ate more protein than my body required.  My diet wasn’t varied.

I’ve been very careful to let the appetite suppression part of doing low carb work its magic, and consequently, my stomach has decreased in size.  When I started this effort, a typical breakfast was 3 eggs, 2 ounces of cheese, a sausage patty.  These days, I’m satisfied with 2 eggs and a pat of butter.  And because I’m satisfied, I’m eating less.  Fewer carbs; fewer calories.

I’ve also been careful to add in vegetables and am working on challenging my palette by adding ones I haven’t previously given much of a chance.  Eating a lot of low carb vegetables has also helped keep my stomach happy.

The bottom line is portion control.  I still remember Susan Powter and her enormous pile of potatoes, claiming that you could eat the whole pile without eating too much fat.  Regardless of the diet plan, though, there’s no free pass that just allows you to eat as much of something as you want, if what you want is an abnormally high amount.  At some point, the amount of food you eat will matter.  Your body is designed to adapt to whatever you throw at it nutritionally.  For instance, if you’re on a low carb diet and eat too much protein because you think that eating five hamburgers is okay, you just might end up storing some of that protein as fat.

Eating less has been a natural consequence of my plan.  I have not intentionally cut back on what I eat; I have, instead, paid more attention to what I’m eating.  It’s been a good learning experience.

I have been consistent with exercise. This is one of the things I’m proudest of; I’ve consistently exercised to my goals every single week since starting, with no lapses.   I found it far too easy to drop out of exercise with any number of excuses the last go-round; not this time.  I have made sure to do things that enhance my experience so that I enjoy exercise.  It’s a darned good feeling, at the end of the week, to know I’ve had a perfect workout week.

I’ve kept my attitude up. Okay, there have been a couple of exceptions where I’ve gotten frustrated, but I haven’t let it overwhelm me.  I think that it’s helped my attitude to know that I’ve been doing things right.  And frankly, staying off the scale has likely been the single biggest reason for keeping my attitude on the positive side.  I’ve also tuned in to my body better, instead of relying on external measurements to tell me if I’m successful.  I have to pay closer attention.  Really, even the pants try-on thing isn’t going to give me the same feedback that paying attention to my body will give.

It’s gonna be a good week.  Thanks for reading.

Pants Try-On — Week 9

Jun10

I admit I’m getting a little bit frustrated with my choice for try-on pants, but it’s my error, and I’ve learned from it.  As I’ve stated before, these are new capri jeans with a slimming panel in them.  They’re the same brand as jeans I have that fit, but I made the assumption that they would fit the same way.  Shame on me for making that assumption.

The problem?  The fit doesn’t seem to be changing from one week to the next.  They feel pretty consistent from one week to the next.  The thing is that I’ve been trying on other clothes that have gone from being tight to fitting, including pants.  The only thing I can think of is that since I’ve never actually worn these capris, I don’t know how they fit me… because I can’t know that until they do.  What I should have done was chosen a pair of pants that I own and previously fit me, so I’d know for sure.

So, while I’m convinced that weight loss continues because I have other measuring indicators (fit of other clothing that I’ve owned for a while), I’m going to continue to use the same pair of capri jeans for try-on, because eventually, I will lose enough weight that they’ll be more appropriate for wear.  Then, I’ll know if they actually fit my body type.  Until then, I’ll keep my focus on working out, eating correctly, getting my sleep, getting my water in.   Then, when they fit appropriately, I’ll choose my next try-on pants from ones I already own that are too small.

Yeah, I’m laughing at myself in a way, because I should have known better than to choose something that’s a new garment, let alone one with a slimming panel (which by definition means that it’s going to hold something in, right?).  I wonder if I subconsciously knew that there was the risk that I’d sabotage my own efforts, because hey, it wouldn’t be the first time.  But I’m gonna keep pushing forward.  I really want this.

As a side note, I moved to 5 workouts a week, 45 minutes a session, and as of this morning, completed yet another perfect workout week.  *Taking a bow*

Week 9 — Feeling Good

Jun6

I can hardly believe it’s Week 9.  I’m feeling pretty good this week.  My most previous weight loss effort fizzled at Week 16; well, probably before that, but Week 16 is the last week I blogged about it.  So, I’m past the halfway point of that effort, and have already been exercising for longer than I did in that effort. I’m quite proud of being in a state of mind that isn’t allowing for excuses to get out of exercising.

It’s time for another recap of how I’m feeling; and in a word, it’s “good”.   Any number of things that were bothering me when I first started this effort have either decreased quite a bit or disappeared entirely.  My knees are feeling better, which is a huge thing; this is probably a combination of weather, exercising, and losing weight.  Matters of personal hygiene are easier.  My ability to get up from a seated position is improving greatly.

All of my clothes are fitting better, including underwear.  I have several pairs of shorts that I’ve been living in, and they are to a point of being absolutely disgraceful; they are huge and shapeless.  I really need to get rid of them, but I don’t have enough comfortable alternatives at the moment.  Shirts that were a little on the snug side are now getting loose.   Bathing suits are fitting differently.

Mentally, I feel pretty strong right now.  I’m in a groove.  Eating healthy isn’t an issue, and getting exercise in is a priority.  I’m drinking enough water and getting enough sleep.  These are the things that really need to be in place in order for me to lose weight.

I seem to have hit on the right number of carbs and calories for me to lose, in combo with exercise, at this point in my journey.   I have done some things differently this time around, and they seem to be helping.  Usually, when I do low carb, I depend on cheese, to the point where I might eat six or more ounces of cheese a day.  I’ve reduced the amount of cheese I eat; usually, at most, I might have two ounces.  Before, I relied heavily on protein and fats; and while that’s still an important part of my diet, I am trying to include vegetables.  I find that when I do that, I can reduce the total number of calories I’m taking in, and I need the veggies, anyway.  I have also cut down on fats like salad dressing and mayo; I use less salad dressing on my salads.  Instead of a (bunless) burger with cheese and mayo, I skip the cheese, and might either replace mayo with salsa, or mix a smaller amount with salsa.  It’s the moisture I’m looking for, anyway, since our home burgers tend to be on the dry side.

As for exercise, I’m sticking with cardio, which currently is swimming laps or water jogging, depending on if I’m sharing space in the pool.  I go for 45 minutes a session.  I’m going to continue with cardio, perhaps until the end of the summer, and then at that point will likely start working on strength training in addition to cardio.  For me, though, cardio is it; not only do I need to get my heart in shape, but at least for now, this is my best bet for burning calories and getting stronger at the same time.

Summary: Week 9, and everything seems to be working.  Hurrah!

Pants Try-On — Week 8

Jun3

A quote from back on April 16, when I found the pants I would use for Friday try-ons:

At this point, they barely go over my hips, and there’s plenty of flab blocking any possible buttoning and zipping action.

They button and zip easier each time I try them on.  They are probably at the point, now, where I could leave them on for a few hours and they’d relax enough to wear them comfortably.  (They are jeans.)  Really, the only thing blocking that at the moment is the “slimming panel” that’s in them; if they didn’t have that, I could wear them right now.  (Don’t get me started on why clothes for 300 pound women need a slimming panel.  That’s a bit like putting new windshield wipers on a car with four flat tires. Alas, that’s all my local Walmart had, so I bought them.)

I’ve completed another perfect exercise week.  I’m really feeling good right now.  I’m contemplating moving from four workouts a week to five; I’ll be thinking about this over the weekend and coming to a decision.

I’m two months into this journey and have not weighed myself other than the initial weigh-in.  I still can’t believe how well this is working for me.  I’m glad I did it that way.

Week 8 – Memorial Day

May31

I almost forgot that today’s a Monday.  Oops!

Eight weeks on plan.  I can hardly believe it.  And friends, I feel good.  I’m not jumping over tall buildings in a single bound or anything, but I have to say that yesterday, I really felt like I just knew I’m losing weight.  The physical (and empirical?) evidence was there; I was wearing some crops that I haven’t worn with any regularity since last year, when I lost weight.  But, more than that: when I put my hand on my stomach, I felt like there was less fat there.  I felt thinner.

No one has said anything about noticing weight loss, yet, but it doesn’t matter.  I’m feeling pretty good right now.  Nearly two months on plan, and things are going well.

I did give myself the gift of a three-day weekend; I had decided against it on my anniversary because I didn’t want 2 three-day weekends in a row.  And really, my only deviation from a regular weekday has been alcohol.

I also have to say that we attended a party yesterday in which people brought food in, like a potluck, and many of them bring food that’s on plan for me.  There’s never any big deal made about it; it just happens, and no one seems to care.  One friend brought a faux-tato salad that consisted of cauliflower, dill pickle relish (yum! I don’t like sweet relish, anyway!) and had bacon bits in it.  (Remember, I low carb, so this is perfect for me.)  My daughter brought a lovely dessert that was sugar-free.  My husband and I made sugar-free jello shots that everyone devoured, as well as four liters of sugar-free sangria that everyone demolished.  So many people make a fuss about not wanting to bring “diet” food to an event; well, this one proved that it’s totally okay, and even those who aren’t on a diet will decimate good food, “diet” or not.

The week ahead is my last planned week for a 4-day exercise plan.  As long as things work out as I want, I’ll swim four days this coming week, and increase to five starting next week.  Things are moving along well for me.  I’m optimistic and feeling good.

Pants Try-on — Week 7

May27

It’s Friday, and you know what that means: time to pull out the capris and see how they’re fitting.  And today?  They fit better than last week.  I can stand up and button them as well as zip them, and they feel a slight bit looser through the crotch and seat area.

Although I don’t have a try-on top, and probably won’t, I am happy to report that I tried on a top I bought at the beginning of the plan, and it fits much better.  I bought two identical tops; one of them, I had to snip the sleeves because they were too tight through the upper biceps so I could wear it.  The other, I didn’t snip because it hasn’t been warm enough to wear it.  I decided to try it on, yesterday, and the sleeves fit much better; the ones I snipped on the other top were so constricting that it felt like I wouldn’t be able to get out of the top unless I snipped the sleeves. I also wore some crops yesterday that were previously a bit too snug for public display.

I’m feeling much better than I was last week (and early this week).  Water weight has dropped significantly.  That makes everything feel better, including my knees.  My attitude is back to being optimistic.