Take It To The Limit


In just one week, I’ll be stepping out of my comfort zone and doing a string of things that make me just a bit nervous. That, combined with the things I know I must accomplish between now and then, have had me tied up in knots.

As much as it bothers me right at this moment, though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have a very active fall and winter ahead of me; some items are first-time experiences for me, others are a return to the way things were before my knees went to hell.

Ain’t no way I’m gonna miss the boat. 😉

I remember a time when I was paralyzed by self-induced fear. I couldn’t function at all. I couldn’t take the necessary steps to work toward raising myself from depression. I lamented having no close friends, no one to turn to when I needed emotional support, and yet, I was unable to put myself in situations where I could grow. Depression often blinds us to the obvious.

I limited myself so greatly that I truly was my own worst enemy. Looking back, I am amazed that I’ve been able to pull myself out of that dark hole of depression; so many never do, and there have been times in my life that I was dangerously close to being among them. When you’re that depressed, it doesn’t matter if you have a loving family, great opportunities, or anything else; depression changes perspective and blinds us to those things. It’s not a weakness; it’s a pervasive shroud that limits our desire to change our lot.

Looking back, I firmly believe that much of my depressive episodes were tied to chemical imbalances and weight. These days, I feel strong; not because of weight loss, but because I’ve been able to solve some of my own physical mysteries that contributed to those dark days. I am also fully aware that if I am not vigilant, I can return to that mental dungeon.

This is a time of hope for me; I’m doing exciting things that I was not capable of doing, before — not just physically, but mentally, as well. I limited myself so much because of fear; not just of the unknown, but of the known, as well. Every time I make a decision to move forward, there is still a part of me that wants to hold me back, knowing that even joyous things can be quite difficult.

It’s entirely possible to be excited about new things, and fear them at the same time; I am steadfastly working toward not letting fear win. Fear is a paralyzing emotion which I cannot afford to let win; it breeds and infects my attitude toward everything I do. The best way to conquer fear is to move forward, to fight the sense of being overwhelmed, to take even the smallest steps toward the positive.

Next week is a big week for me, and the best way to get there is to keep pushing my limits.


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